The letter Z shocked the world today, Modern Philosophers, by filing a lawsuit claiming he is being discriminated against by being forced to remain at the end of the Alphabet.
Z, who is represented by the ACLU (Alphabet Civil Liberties Union) in the matter is suing the other 25 letters of the Alphabet, The Letters & Numbers Commission, the writers of The Alphabet Song, and Zorro.
“For far too long, I have stood by and allowed myself to be pushed to the back of the Alphabet,” Z explained to this Modern Philosopher via Skype. “I will no longer remain silent, and I demand that I be allowed to locate elsewhere in the list of letters.”
Doesn’t Z feel that being last is a place of honor? “That worked on me for the longest time, Austin,” Z answered with anger in his voice. “You know who loved to use that argument the most? A. The world has to be a sunnier place when you’re at the front of the pack, the first letter out school kids’ mouths when they recite the Alphabet, and the symbol of greatness in scholastics.”
Wow! I had never even thought of it that way. I guess you never understand a letter’s plight until you’ve walked a mile in its position in the Alphabet.
“What my client seeks isn’t anything outlandish,” stated Amelia Zane, the lead attorney heading up the ACLU team. “All Z wants is to move a little further up in the order. He has brought up the rear for far too long. Now it’s time for someone else to be the butt of the jokes and the last in line.”
According to Zane, there is legal precedence for the request. “W used to be known as Upside Down M up until the mid-1830s. W not only successfully sued for a name change, but he also got repositioned away from M so that he could have his own identity.”
The first thing that caught my attention in all this was that letters have genders. Are all letters male? “No, Austin, just the consonants,” Z replied. “The vowels are all female.”
So where does that leave Y? “Where does it indeed?” Z countered with a chuckle.
And W used to be called “Upside Down M”???? Crazy!
As for the other letters in the Alphabet, they apparently aren’t too crazy about this lawsuit and Z’s desire to mess with the order of things. The letters who were willing to speak to this Modern Philosopher for this article did so under the condition of anonymity.
“Who does Z think he is? The Alphabet has a certain logic and order to it. We can’t just go moving letters around every time someone isn’t happy. Then it would all just be this giant mishmash of chaos. That’s not acceptable!”
“Not for nothing, but Z got his payoff when they assigned point values in Scrabble,” an angry letter told me. “He got his worth set at 10 points, and I didn’t hear him bitching when that happened. Shut up and accept your place.”
“I’m not exactly thrilled where I was assigned,” whined a third letter. “The letters around me stink, they’re rude, and they never shut up. But I don’t go out and sue to get myself moved elsewhere. I am where I am.”
And what’s the deal with suing Zorro? “Zorro cuts a version of my client into his adversaries and Z has never once been compensated for this use of his likeness,” Z’s attorney explained. “He feels this helps to promote the culture of discrimination against him, and it says that it is okay to do whatever you want to my client without his permission or the expectation of punishment. That all ends here.”
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Are you pro or anti-Z on this matter? Do you believe letters have the right to sue for a new place in the Alphabet? Would you want to have to relearn the Alphabet Song at this point in your life should Z win his case?
I think Z has zero chance of winning this suit, but good luck anyway. I’m pro-Z.
Ironic that you should pick a word that starts with Z to describe Z’s chances. I hear Jay-Z is going to right a song for the cause. That should help raise awareness.
Z is bent from jealousy. Doesn’t he know that all the first letters of the alphabet are jealous of him? They’re the ones always called on first in school. “A” might stand for Athena, but Zeus starts with Z. If the head honcho of ancient heavenly times sees his value, why can’t Z? It could be worse, he could be an N as in negative, nothing, or none.
The way Z sees it, Zeus would still start with Z no matter where he is in the Alphabet. Personally, I think Y broke his heart and he’s looking to get away from her…
Typical male. He would have to ask Y. He must have been steamed when she told him, “An X stands next to me but the letter I want is double u.
I guess we’ll never know. It’s all speculation right now…
I would rather be at the end then in the middle
That’s what she said? 😉
Z needs to get more Zen
😀
i think that ms zane may have some underlying scores to settle, as no, doubt, she was always called last as a child.
And yet, her first name starts with an “A”… 😉
true, but 98% of the time, people are ordered by their last name – i feel for her and z
Me, too. I think she’s really going to fight for him on this. He’s in good hands.
Well, maybe we can start writing the alphabet in a circular pattern. That way, it’s hard to tell who is first and who is last.
We still have to know the order to sing the song…
Dang man, you think of everything!
The voices in my head are excellent with coming up with all the different possibilities on a topic… 🙂
As long as Z doesn’t get too many zzzzzz’s on the job he might be able to pull it off!
AAAAAAAmen! 🙂
Zero is suing Number One for being called “big,fat” one to many times.
Interesting. Maybe they can file a class action suit…
I think Z’s case won’t go well considering he was in that Webster vs. Oxford case on whether he was supposed to be pronounced “zee” or “zed”.
New year, new laws, new lawyer. We’ll see how it goes…
Z needs a holiday in New Zealand.
Perhaps he does. I know Zeus is also giving him some advice on the matter off the record. I think he’s in good hands…
:0Z
We need Z’s here – NZ wouldn’t be the same without ’em! 🙂
Excellent point!
Haha the scrabble bit really ties it together, I think
Well, you always have to cover both side of the story, you know? Besides, I love playing Scrabble…
I love Scrabble and Monopoly. To give my aging mother some fun, I played a game of Scrabble once with her and purposely allowed myself to miss some opportunities, so she could win. Well…I had to catch up real fast, as my mom grew up on a farm and knew dozens of words (legit, no less) that I had never heard of. I lost the game!
So now I stick to Monopoly where I’m known as the slumlord.
🙂
Well, you certainly got me thinking. I would hope that Z has a chance. Why not let it move? Besides, it’s a pretty cool letter. Pleasure to discover you through Susie.
Thank you for wandering over my way. Z needs more supporters like you. Please spread the word…
SUE!!! Z has been bullied to the back of the line for too long. It’s time.
Thanks for coming to the party! Have fun clicking on links and saying hello! Maybe you’ll “pick up” a few new subscribers! Party on my friend…
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
SHWING!!!
With Z’s only neighbor being transgender/bisexual or whatever it is, I can see how Z is getting frustrated and resorting to litigation. But Z needs to remember that we save the best for last. 26th place seems pretty good in the scheme of things, especially when comparing it to Chinese characters.
Well, Z seems tired of being told to go to the back of the alphabet. He sees that as a sign of disrespect…
Yes, like Rosa Parks! Now I get it.
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If this case ever becomes a class-action lawsuit, X will join it to at least get the place in the top 10. 🙂
That is great to know. I’ll notify Z…
The outcome of the case should be interesting. I hear that there’s a similar class action suit in Japan in which all of the phonetic elements in the katakana and hiragana are demanding that pyo not share a place in the same tables as them. That court battle could get really ugly.
Not sure what any of that means, but I’ll take your word for it. 🙂
Z may be last, but you are first. After leaving my comment at Susie’s party, I scanned the room to see who looked interesting. Well, not only do I like the letter Z (the last letter of the alphabet is the last letter of my name–Chaz– and I wouldn’t want it anywhere else) but your story fits well with my site, AmperArt. That features the ampersand, and the letter Z wasn’t always the last letter of our alphabet — & was. Here’s a fact about that, and why it’s called “ampersand”: http://amperart.com/index.php/about-ampersand/
I’m a typographer and designer, Austin (hey, the first letter of the alphabet is the first letter of your name!) so I really enjoy your story about the pending lawsuit and also all the wonderful graphics.
Thank you for reading the post, and the wonderful comment. I will make sure to check out your blog now… 🙂
As someone whose last name begins with “A”, I would have gladly let “Z” lead the pack when I had to do those awful presentations in front of the entire class in high school. Be careful what you wish for, Z!
My name begins with “A” as well… 🙂
H… as in Hilarious!!! Pro Z…
Thanks for checking out the post. Glad you liked it!
Susie sent me…Z is for Zealand where I live – New Zealand, as in NZ (pronounced “En Zed”). Definitely needs primacy! 🙂
Thanks for the visit. 🙂
Hi Thanks for liking a post of mine and Z you can put me to sleep ZZZZ so deal with it and accept where you are:) Just kidding Have a nice day.. This is really creative;)
Glad you liked it. 🙂
Thanks 🙂
Shocking…and in Canada, we’d call him Zed (yup, we pronounce things different like up here in The Great White North). 🙂
I have heard that. Thanks for sharing this on Twitter. 🙂
Definitely pro-Z! If W can reinvent himself (herself?) why not Z?
Amen. Z thanks you for your support!
Laughed out loud and so did my husband. He was happy to hear why Zorro was named in the suit since without Zorro no one would even care about Z. Great post!
I am glad to hear that. Thank you!
This is freaking hilarious! Love, love, love Y’s sexual identity conundrum and how Z should be happy because he earns high Scrabble points. And the Zorro tie-in at the end – brilliant!
Thanks, Heather. I consider that very high praise considering the source. I’m even blushing a little… 🙂
I vote for ZAP as the first three letters of the alphabet. :o)
POW! You got it, Lloyd! 🙂
But Z would then take P to court for taking 1st place.
They can work it out…
That might take HutZPah.
Thank you so much for liking my poem Alex in Wonderland on my blog WordMusic. I take that as a great compliment!
Brent Kincaid
zz
Oh no. Did my post put you to sleep? 🙂
Your mind is a very active, strange place isn’t it? I bet you and Stephen King would get along great. I would not like to be an A, as I don’t desire to be in the front. Maybe somewhere around l-o-m-an-n-o
If only I could ever run into my neighbor Stephen. He lives only a few miles away, but I never see him…
I would stalk the sh** outta him lol
Then he’d send crazy creatures after you!