Linus Reveals That He Ate The Great Pumpkin!

LinusAs Thanksgiving approaches, Modern Philosophers, we can be thankful for finally learning the answer to one of life’s great mysteries:

How come The Great Pumpkin never showed up for poor Linus on Halloween?

The answer is finally revealed in Linus’ new autobiography: “Let Your Words Be Your Security Blanket: My Life As A Child Star”.

We all know the story.  Linus passes up on going Trick or Treating with his pals so that he can sit in the pumpkin patch and wait for The Great Pumpkin.  The only friend willing to hang with him is Sally, who is quite smitten and would do anything to be around him.

Let’s have Linus pick up the story from there, Modern Philosophers.

“I waited all night, and The Great Pumpkin never made an appearance,” he explains in Chapter 3, which is entitled Oh My Gourd! I’ve Been Stood Up!

“It was nice of Sally to stay with me,” the author continues, “but I never quite bought that she believed in the existence of The Great Pumpkin.  I was too young and too pumpkin obsessed to get that she was overcome with puppy love, but I get that now and will always love her for it.”

GreatPumpkin“After a disappointing night, I walked Sally home and slept all day.  Luckily, it was All Saints Day, so we didn’t have school.  The other kids in our odd little group razzed me for a while about it, and that annoying dog laughed at me every chance he got, but eventually, we all just forgot about The Great Pumpkin and Halloween, and turned our attention to Thanksgiving.”

This is where the story gets a little upsetting, Modern Philosophers, so do not continue reading if you have a weak stomach.

“It was one of the finest Thanksgiving dinners Mom ever prepared,” Linus writes.  “I loaded up on stuffing and turkey, but I made sure to leave room for dessert.  Mom’s homemade pies were always the best, and I had been thinking about them all week.”

“I started off with apple pie, but just a sliver,” he continues.  “Mom made apple pie often, so I was holding out for the one that she only made a couple of times a year, her pumpkin pie.  It was my favorite and no one made it better than she did.”

Pumpkin_Pie“‘This is great pumpkin pie, Mom!’ I shouted excitedly as I devoured what was left on my plate and prepared to ask for seconds.”

“‘Yes, son, it literally is’, Mom replied as she began to cut me another piece.  ‘I made this pie from The Great Pumpkin.  Can you believe it?'”

“That was the last thing I remember until I woke up in a hospital bed five days later.  My friends later told me that I had gotten hysterical and tore apart the dining room table, throwing food, screaming at the top of my lungs, and smashing Grandmother’s china.  After that, neither Halloween, nor Thanksgiving was ever the same for me.  My childhood innocence was gone.  Needless to say, I’ve never eaten pumpkin pie again.”

I won’t give away the details of how Linus’ Mom came to be in possession of The Great Pumpkin on that Halloween night while her poor son sat waiting for it to arrive.  You’ll have to buy the book and find out for yourself.

You can pre-order your copy of his autobiography at Amazon.com, or buy it when it hits bookstores on the day before Thanksgiving.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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23 Responses to Linus Reveals That He Ate The Great Pumpkin!

  1. Thanks for clearing that up. I have wondered for years what happened to the Great Pumpkin. Poor kid, what a rude awakening. 😦

  2. I’m sure it took many hours of psychotherapy for Linus to come to terms with the loss of the Great Pumpkin. It wasn’t his fault. I know how he felt, because we lived on a farm; had a pet pig that was turned into bacon, and you can figure out the rest.

  3. grannyK says:

    Well I for one am not too surprised she did that. I mean, this is a mom who lets her very young child stay up all night alone in a pumpkin patch! Poor kid.

  4. JackieP says:

    Mom’s have a lot to answer for. I always thought the funny looking dog ate it or chewed it up. Now the truth is out. Poor Linus, poor Great Pumpkin. But boy I bet that pie was good! 😉

  5. susielindau says:

    I think I ate rabbit once thinking it was chicken… Poor Linus. I bet he’s been in therapy ever since.

  6. NotAPunkRocker says:

    They ate the pumpkin with some nutmeg and a nice glass of milk.

  7. Jan Moyer says:

    Bet he still has that blankie.
    Susie sent me – thanks for the laugh.

  8. Gulp ~ how could she? Now I’ll have to read the book. I popped over from Susie’s party and am so glad I did! Happy Thanksgiving … no pumpkin pie for me!

  9. K. Renae P. says:

    Just brilliant! This was tragically glorious. As a kid, every time I watched the movie I would hope that the pumpkin would show up. Little did I know… Ha! You rock. I am so glad I found your blog.

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