The Prince Of The Dark Side

Satan SundayI sensed a disturbance in the Force, so I looked up to discover The Devil grinning at me from the entrance to the living room.

“You’re not a Vampire,” I reminded him.  “You don’t need to wait for me to invite you to enter.”

He chuckled and strode into the room, his impeccably tailored suit and unnaturally good looks making him seem like a fashion model rather than an annoying house guest.

“You finally saw The Force Awakens,” Lucifer stated excitedly.  “I’ve been dying to talk about it with you.”

I pulled two Snapples out of the cooler, and handed one to my visitor.

“Let’s talk,” I agreed.  “I’ve got so many things on my mind about…”

The Prince of Darkness held up a hand to indicate that I should silence myself.  I was not pleased with this, but I just rolled my eyes and sipped my Snapple.

“Before we analyze the plot to death, you have to answer one burning question,” he informed me.  “What does Melissa think of your fanboy crush on Daisy Ridley?”

Jedi daisyI opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.  There was no sense in trying to lie to Satan.

“I think Melissa is very confident in the fact that I love her, and that Daisy Ridley is never going to steal me away,” was the answer my mouth finally released.

His devilish smile in reply didn’t put me at ease.  Why did I always let him get to me?

“You get a gold star for honesty,” he told me as he patted me on the back.  “I would hate to see you seduced by the Dark Side.”

“Enough teasing me.  What did you think of the flick?” I asked eager to change the subject.

“Loved it!” The Devil answered emphatically.  “I’ve always been a huge Star Wars fan, and I was delighted to see the bad guys finally be truly evil.”

I raised an eyebrow to the comment.  “You didn’t think Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine were evil?”

Lucifer shrugged.  “Look who you’re talking to, Austin.  “I’m the Prince of Darkness, the embodiment of evil, the Fallen Angel who wants to steal your soul.  I wasn’t very impressed with those Crown Princes of the Dark Side, who couldn’t squash a sorry little rebellion despite having access to some very powerful Black Magic.”

snoke“But this Supreme Leader Snoke and his long time ago, galaxy far, far away version of the Nazis?  Those are some big baddies that I can definitely get behind,” he added.

“Snoke and The First Order did have a much more threatening vibe than the Empire,” I had to agree.  “Even the Stormtroopers seemed more bad ass.”

“Give any army flamethrowers and some shooting lessons, and they are going to be an improvement over Palpatine’s clones,” Satan snickered.

“You didn’t mention Kylo Ren in your analysis of evil,” I remarked and then took another sip of my Snapple.

Kylo“I was disappointed that when he took off the mask, he was just a pretty boy without a scar or a burn to give him any character,” The Devil answered.  “At least get a haircut, brother.  You are a leader in a tight ass military organization.  Look the part.”

“So says the Fallen Angel who chooses to look like a male model,” I teased.

“If you want, I can grab my pitchfork, and we can reenact Han Solo’s final scene,” Lucifer suggested as he glanced over at the menacing weapon that rested in the corner.

“Screw that pretty boy,” I quickly answered.  “We should shave his head, or feed him to the sarlacc if he refuses.”

The Prince of Darkness smiled and nodded in agreement.

“The Force is strong with this one,” he chuckled as I breathed a sigh of relief.

Advertisements

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s