The Walk Off Wedding

It was the hottest day ever recorded on Earth.  At least that’s how it felt to the best friends as they sat on their favorite bench next to the river.

They’d hoped for a cool breeze off the water, but had been disappointed.  It was so hot that Holly had added ice to her coffee.  Aaron had brought along a mini cooler to keep six bottles of Snapple chilled while they engaged in their weekly chat.

“I had a crazy dream last night,” Holly finally broke the silence.  “I shouldn’t tell you about it, but the temperatures have clearly melted away the parts of my brain responsible for common sense and logic.”

Aaron took a long sip of Snapple and motioned for her to get on with the story.  He wanted to save his energy for the disparaging comments he was certain he’d need to make after that set up.

short story, humor, Modern Philosopher“I had a dream that I was getting married…” she began.

Aaron did not let her get very far, however.

“To who?” he asked in what could only be interpreted as a demanding manner.

“I don’t know,” she replied with a shrug.  “He was standing there next to me, but I don’t remember his face.  In fact, I’m not even sure if he had one.  I think it was pixelated like they do on the news when they want to hide the identity of the person being interviewed.”

“That’s a little crazy even for you, don’t you think?” he asked accusingly.  “I know you’re a serial dater who’ll go out with anyone who asks, but I always assumed you’d at least be a bit more picky before agreeing to a marriage proposal.”

Holly sipped her coffee and shook her head.

“First of all, I don’t date anyone who asks.  Secondly, it’s just a dream.  I have no control of my actions in that scenario,” she insisted.

“Freud would beg to differ,” he countered.

Holly sighed.  She knew that telling this story was a mistake, but she had to do something to break the silence before they both melted under the sun’s relentless onslaught.

“Anyway, we got to the point in the ceremony where the priest asked if anyone had any objections to the marriage…” she tried to continue.

“Hold up!” Aaron demanded as he threw his arms in the air.  “You’re getting married in a church?  But you never go to church.  I don’t think you even know where the nearest one is to your home.”

flash fiction, relationships, humor“Well I sure as hell wasn’t going to get married at City Hill like some unromantic bureaucrat.  And with this ridiculous heat, an outdoor wedding was clearly out of the question,” Holly argued defensively.

“Oh so now you’re saying you do have control of your actions and decisions in your dreams?” he pressed.  “That’s a direct contradiction to what you said mere moments ago.”

Holly growled and contemplated throwing her coffee at him.  Then she realized she needed the fluids to remain upright, so she took a sip of it instead.

“The priest asked if there were any objections, and you stood up to object,” she explained.

Aaron grinned like he was proud of how the dream version of him had managed to cause a ruckus.

“Sounds about right,” he agreed.  “Was I objecting to the church setting, the mysterious identity of the groom, or the fact that the bride was wearing white?”

This time Holly did choose violence.  She lashed out and punched him in the shoulder.

Aaron didn’t even wince.  She would not get the satisfaction, especially not on the day of her dream wedding, to which he was clearly opposed.

“You objected because the Yankees were playing and the ceremony and reception would cause you to miss the game,” she informed him angrily.

Aaron flashed a million dollar smile.  “You know how important the Yankees are to me.”

“More important than me?” she challenged.

“More important than a sham wedding to some guy without a face,” he answered confidently.

Holly growled even louder this time.

“So how did the priest rule?” he asked.  “Did he stop the wedding?”

“No,” Holly replied.  “But I was so pissed at you I demanded that you leave the church immediately to go watch your precious Yankees.”

Aaron shrugged and sipped his Snapple.  It was just a dream, so he refused to apologize for his actions in her subconscious.

“Did I leave?” he asked.

“Not before you pointed out that they were playing the Red Sox,” she mumbled.

Aaron chuckled.  Holly loved the Red Sox as much as he loved the Yankees.

“And what did you do with that information?” he asked.

Holly took a long sip of her coffee before she answered.

“I called off the wedding and fled the church with you to watch the game,” she said softly.

Aaron beamed with pride.  “There’s hope for you yet.  It’s like a modern day version of The Graduate, only with a baseball theme.”

He winked and then turned his attention to the river.

She smiled and wondered, not for the first time that day, what her dream truly meant…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The Walk Off Wedding

  1. kristianw84 says:

    I have had dreams that are eerily similar to Holly’s. Perhaps I should discuss them with her. Maybe both of us could figure out our dreams. 🤣

    Seriously, though, I love the banter between them!

  2. markbialczak says:

    Good week, Austin!

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