A Midwinter Night’s Dream

It wasn’t much as far as dreams go.  However, when I woke up and realized it had only been a dream, I wanted to cry.

Because it had been about her.

As much as I want to, I rarely dream about her.  I have nightmares about my ex-wife all the time, but I can never seem to conjure up a subconscious movie about the woman I miss more than anyone.

Like I said, it was a simple dream.

Suddenly, she stood there in front of me after all this time.  Those big brown eyes looking up at me.  The dimple dancing on her cheek when she smiled.

“I missed you.”

That was all she said.

And then she kissed me.  Soft, sweet, long, and romantic.

It had seemed so real.  That was why I was so upset when I finally gathered my wits and realized it was the middle of the night, and I was all alone.

I tried to push it out of my mind.

I didn’t attempt to fall back asleep and into the same dream because I understood that if I somehow managed to make my way back to her, the pain would be exponentially worse then I awakened.

Then on the way home, the radio played a song with a line that always makes me think of her.

“Your brown skin shining in the sun…”

Even in the middle of a ferocious Maine winter, she always had a tan.

It was in the middle of a blizzard that it had all really started.  I walked into the break room with my sandwich and shook the snow off my boots and jacket.

“What kind of moron goes out in a blizzard to get a sandwich?” she had challenged from her spot at the table.  Her smile made that dimple dance.  Her tan skin a sharp contrast to my snow covered ensemble.

And so it began.

I had a dream about her last night.

It was so real.

So powerful.

When people tell me there’s someone out there for me, and that I’ll find her eventually, I know they’re wrong.  I don’t say anything, though, because I want to believe it.

I’m so tired of being alone.

But I know they’re wrong because I already found her.

And now she’s gone.

She only visits me in dreams.

And even that is a rare event.