A new study released by The President’s Committee on Physical Fitness contains a very interesting fact on page 12 of the report: “Fat kids make fat snowmen. They are creating these monstrosities based on their own self-image. Why do you never see a skinny snowman? Because there are no skinny kids left in America to build them. The fat kids ate them.”
How such a scathing paragraph made it into an official government document is unclear at this time, but this Modern Philosopher has a theory: No one reads those reports, at least not past the opening paragraphs, so exciting factoids like this one have probably been published for years without notice.
While the comment is rather harsh and an embarrassment for the President, it’s also very intriguing and difficult to dispute (well, aside from the comment on cannibalism).
American children are obese, and adults are just as bad. We just hide it better because we’re taller and have money to buy more flattering clothes. Kids wear whatever is put in front of them (much like their eating habits), so their plumpness is exponentially more obvious.
So what are we supposed to do about this growing problem? The Holiday Season doesn’t exactly help matters. We kick it off with an enormous caloric intake on Thanksgiving Day, and never really slow down until after New Year’s Day when we resolve to eat better (liars!).
The fact of the matter is that holiday treats are far more prevalent in kids’ lives than the desire to exercise. Technology makes it even easier for the youth of our nation to be lazy buggers. It might be an exaggeration (but isn’t that the tone of this blog?), but the most exercise children get today is probably when they’re walking to the kitchen or to a vending machine or to a fast food counter to get more food to cram down their gullets.
So I ask again, Modern Philosophers, what are we to do? Maybe we need a Zombie Apocalypse or Total Blackout Scenario to thin the herd and whip the others into shape. Should we be hoping that the Mayans are right and the end of the world is coming? You never saw any fat Mayans…
Maybe we start a little simpler. Maybe we force the kids to spend more time outside building snowmen. The exercise and some fresh air will do them wonders. They’ll actually burn some calories and earn that next trip into the kitchen.
Maybe we teach them to make skinnier snowmen, too. Who knows? There could be something to the whole self-image argument put forth on page 12 of the report by that very cynical, child hating government employee. What would it hurt to urge kids to take a few pounds off the next masterpiece they put up on the lawn? Why not encourage them to build a leaner, meaner Frosty? Perhaps you tell the youngsters that Santa Claus doesn’t visit houses with fat snowmen out front, and hint that maybe he’s not a big fan of fat kids, either. I know, that’s a rough one because what if they come back at you with the argument that Santa is a fatty? I say, if they give you lip like that, you make then run five laps around the block and then introduce them to the wonderful world of sit ups!
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Am I being too rough on the kids? Is it okay to be a little portly at a young age? Do we send the wrong message if we push kids to exercise and try to save the potbelly for middle age? Was that government official on to something with his Fat Kid/Fat Snowman theory?
Or am I just trying to motivate myself to go back to my daily 5 mile runs, and trying to use my own words to make myself feel bad about slacking off on my diet lately?
Think about it, Modern Philosophers. At the very least, the Deep Thinking will burn enough calories to make up for that batch of Christmas cookies you ate last night…