Pope Francis Hires Dan Brown To Plan Vatican Easter Egg Hunt

Pope FrancisPope Francis finally let a huge cat out the bag when he addressed a Good Friday gathering of over 200,000 faithful in St. Peter’s Square last night, Modern Philosophers.

The Pope will be hosting an Easter Egg Hunt at The Vatican on Easter Sunday, and the event has been designed by none other than Dan Brown, the author of Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code.  Both novels were international best sellers and were turned into blockbuster movies starring Tom Hanks.

“It was really a no brainer for me,” the Pope told this Modern Philosopher via Skype after he made his bombshell announcement across the pond.  “After seeing Angels & Demons, it was obvious that no one had a better understanding of all The Vatican’s secret passages, hiding spaces, and nooks and crannies than Dan.  So I called and reminded him he owes the Catholic Church big time for his success, and he happily agreed to help.”

For those of you who have been living under a rock, Angels & Demons was about Robert Langdon’s (aka Tom Hanks) quest to stop the Illuminati from destroying Vatican City.  That’s all I’m going to tell you, though…go read the book!

Dan BrownPope Francis hopes that the turnout for the event is huge.  “The kids are going to have so much fun!” the Pope exclaimed as his face lit up with excitement.  “Dan has hidden 10,000 Easter Eggs all over Vatican City.  He was thrilled with the challenge of coming up with the ultimate Easter adventure, and he even mentioned that he could see a new novel coming out of this.”

As we were chatting, Pope Francis tweeted the above photo of Dan Brown arriving at The Vatican to start planning the Easter Egg Hunt.  “The Swiss Guard went everywhere with Dan,” the Pope explained.  “Not so much for his protection, but more so that they could finally find out where all the secret passages were.  Now they think they have a much better chance of protecting me from assassination.  Dan Brown is a saint…oh, should I say that?  Does my saying that make it true?  I’ll have to ask someone to look it up.”

EasterEggHunt01It turned out that Mr. Brown did not become canonized simply because the new Pope called him a saint.  Judging from the Pontiff’s excitement about his work on the Easter Egg Hunt, however, it doesn’t seem out of the question that he could one day be St. Dan, though.

So what do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Do you have faith in Dan Brown’s ability to plan the ultimate Easter Egg Hunt?  Would you be too frightened to participate given the creepiness factor of his books?  Do you think Robert Langdon would be able to find more Easter Eggs than the average kid at this event?

Happy Easter weekend!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Pope Francis Hires Dan Brown To Plan Vatican Easter Egg Hunt

  1. ioniamartin says:

    Oh my, I did not get an invitation. Depressing:( lol

  2. This is so amazing! I love that the new pope is so hip.

  3. The title alone is worth 50 likes and re-blogs. LOL

  4. EagleAye says:

    It’s so cool that Dan could show the guards where all the secret passages are. That’s professional development from an acclaimed master.

  5. Casey says:

    Ah, Frank. Truly the people’s pontiff! 😉

  6. Gradh Dhu says:

    Source?

    • Austin says:

      Source for the information on my satirical blog? I will cite myself, The Easter Bunny, and Willy Wonka then…

      • Gradh Dhu says:

        Poe’s Law.

        I don’t visit this blog regularly — some numbskull posted it to /r/worldnews.

      • Austin says:

        I noticed it has gotten over 100 views today, and I saw that the views were coming from Reddit, so I went over there and discovered it on the World News page. I laughed about that one. I recently had one of my posts go viral on Facebook…over 42,000 hits…because I wrote about Survivor secretly filming here in Maine. I guess I need to make my fake news less believable… 😉

  7. Pingback: Partying Pontiff Named Blog’s Being Of The Year! | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

  8. Pingback: Blockbuster literário | Deixe-se acreditar

  9. Reblogged this on Thoughts by Mello-Elo and commented:
    As a Good Friday special, the Modern Philosopher gives us a little something extra for this special time of the year.

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