IRS To Crackdown On Scofflaw Lemonade Stand Operators

lemonadeAs this heatwave continues to leave the United States a sweaty, dehydrated mess, agents of the IRS have somehow found the energy to go after a new kind of tax cheat…

Lemonade Stand Operators!

That’s right, Modern Philosophers…those big meanies in the ugly suits who never smile want to put the adorable little kids from your neighborhood in jail.

All because they failed to report the income they make from their Summer Lemonade stands.  Has the Summer Heat melted their government issued hearts?

“So you want us to let them slide on paying taxes just because they’re cute?” Richard Jorkovitz, the Agent heading up “Project Sour Puss” (who says the IRS doesn’t have a sense of humor???) asked this Modern Philosopher.

I pointed out that they are just kids trying to make some money while learning about operating a small business.

IRS“Okay.  I’ll play along,” Agent Jorkovitz sneered.  “Lesson One: Pay your taxes or you’re going to jail!”

I poured myself a glass of ice cold lemonade, shook my head at the IRS Agent, and took a long, refreshing sip while he sat there, sweating in his ugly suit.

“Look, I’m not trying to be a jerk,” he pleaded as he eyed the pitcher of lemonade.  “If we give tax breaks to Lemonade Stand Operators because of their age, don’t you think “creative” business owners will start setting up kids as CEOS of their companies and demand the same tax breaks?  Can’t you envision all the agism lawsuits?  You open that Pandora’s Box, and the next thing you know, no one will be paying taxes.”

He did have a point, but as a Modern Philosopher and a Man of the Toga, it was my duty to stand up to the man and fight the power.  And all that jazz.

I told Agent Sweaty Suit that if he went after these kids, he would be killing their entrepreneurial spirit, crushing the American Dream, and pushing them to grow up to be adults who sought handouts rather than trying to find ways to earn a living.

In the long run, wouldn’t it be better to look the other way on a little tax income now, rather than have to pay out Unemployment Benefits in twenty years?

“You make a lot of sense, but I can’t just shut down a major IRS Operation because some guy in a toga shares some Deep Thoughts with me on his front porch.”

lemonade pitcherI could see the logic in that statement, so I gave a little whistle, and Gary the Gargoyle swooped down from his perch on the roof of The House on the Hill.  Gary snatched Agent Dick out of his seat and took him for a flight over the Penobscot River.

I poured myself more lemonade, chuckled as I thought of the look on my guest’s face, and hoped he was using his time with Gary to rethink his position on Project Sour Puss…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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36 Responses to IRS To Crackdown On Scofflaw Lemonade Stand Operators

  1. Jet Eliot says:

    Austin, this made me laugh…thanks!

  2. dan says:

    Well I Guess that you’ll have to tax all the pan handlers out here in Maine as well

  3. grannyK says:

    Well darn, there goes my idea of a summer job that is tax free!

  4. Ah, clever and entertaining as always 🙂

  5. Thanks for the chuckle today. 🙂

  6. Lorra B. says:

    Entertaining to say the least! Sadly, the Big, Bad, Ugly, Intrusive, Boogyman IRS DID go after a lemonade stand last year and I nearly fell off my chair! I feel a very apocalyptic tale concerning the Sweet Lemonade Stand Children coming on….? Maybe flesh-eating, worm infested, carnivorous lemons taking over the IRS Headquarters that had been genetically altered and engendered by the crushed Lemonade Stand children… 😂😂😂😳😳

  7. Rebekah says:

    I doubt those kids are making enough money to even be qualified for paying taxes.

  8. kobikwelu says:

    Quite a humorous article. You were able to touch most of the hot button issues in our polity without giving any one a heart attack…

  9. Let’s not forget those lawn mowing kids every summer…if it adds up to more than $600 for the summer you’d better issue your 1099s!

  10. Pamela Edwards says:

    How rude of them . They have ❤’s ? Who knew . Good job Austin as always !

  11. Austin says:

    Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:

    Happy April 15. Don’t forget to pay your taxes. The IRS is watching you!

  12. marjma2014 says:

    A very cute and amusing post, enjoyed it. 🙂

  13. Maybe the Gargoyle will drop the IRS sour puss. 😀 😀 😀

  14. Next, they’ll tax their allowance.

  15. jan says:

    One would expect no less from a Man of the Toga… Agent Dick has met his match!

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