IRS To Crackdown On Scofflaw Lemonade Stand Operators

As this heatwave continues to leave the United States a sweaty, dehydrated mess, agents of the IRS have somehow found the energy to go after a new kind of tax cheat…

Lemonade Stand Operators!

That’s right, Modern Philosophers…those big meanies in the ugly suits who never smile want to put the adorable little kids from your neighborhood in jail.

All because they failed to report the income they make from their Summer Lemonade stands.  Has the Summer Heat melted their government issued hearts?

“So you want us to let them slide on paying taxes just because they’re cute?” Richard Jorkovitz, the Agent heading up “Project Sour Puss” (who says the IRS doesn’t have a sense of humor???) asked this Modern Philosopher.

I pointed out that they are just kids trying to make some money while learning about operating a small business.

“Okay.  I’ll play along,” Agent Jorkovitz sneered.  “Lesson One: Pay your taxes or you’re going to jail!”

I poured myself a glass of ice cold lemonade, shook my head at the IRS Agent, and took a long, refreshing sip while he sat there, sweating in his ugly suit.

“Look, I’m not trying to be a jerk,” he pleaded as he eyed the pitcher of lemonade.  “If we give tax breaks to Lemonade Stand Operators because of their age, don’t you think “creative” business owners will start setting up kids as CEOS of their companies and demand the same tax breaks?  Can’t you envision all the agism lawsuits?  You open that Pandora’s Box, and the next thing you know, no one will be paying taxes.”

He did have a point, but as a Modern Philosopher and a Man of the Toga, it was my duty to stand up to the man and fight the power.  And all that jazz.

I told Agent Sweaty Suit that if he went after these kids, he would be killing their entrepreneurial spirit, crushing the American Dream, and pushing them to grow up to be adults who sought handouts rather than trying to find ways to earn a living.

In the long run, wouldn’t it be better to look the other way on a little tax income now, rather than have to pay out Unemployment Benefits in twenty years?

“You make a lot of sense, but I can’t just shut down a major IRS Operation because some guy in a toga shares some Deep Thoughts with me on his front porch.”

I could see the logic in that statement, so I gave a little whistle, and Gary the Gargoyle swooped down from his perch on the roof of The House on the Hill.  Gary snatched Agent Dick out of his seat and took him for a flight over the Penobscot River.

I poured myself more lemonade, chuckled as I thought of the look on my guest’s face, and hoped he was using his time with Gary to rethink his position on Project Sour Puss…