I Advise You To Write Santa Claus A Very Persuasive Letter

BlutoDear Modern Philosopher,

Happy Holidays!  I am 11 years old and a big fan of your blog.  My teachers tell me that I have a wild imagination, so I hope that I grow up to write stories as funny and creative as yours.

I have a problem.  I don’t want you to think I’m selfish or greedy because I don’t think I am.  I’m writing this for my 8 year old sister, too.

You see, after we gave our Christmas lists to our parents, they told us that it’s been a rough year and we shouldn’t expect much under the tree.  I don’t think that’s fair!  My sister and I work hard all year to be straight A students.  We never get into trouble, I watch my little sis all the time to help my parents save money on a babysitter, and we don’t ask for much during the year.

Plus, we both have friends who are real Naughty List material, who mouth off, get into trouble at school, get bad grades, never listen to their teachers or parents, but they already know they’re getting everything they want.

Is that fair?  Do nice kids always finish last?  I thought Christmas was all about rewarding us for not being naughty!  What do I do?

Thanks for listening and for any advice you can give.

Stuck on the Nice List

PS — I think your toga is awesome!

SantaDear Nice Boy,

Happy Holidays to you as well, my friend!  It’s finally December, so I am okay about discussing Christmas.  As you know from reading my blog, I’m not a fan of the way the Holiday is growing.

I understand, though, that as a kiddo, you have to begin the Christmas planning early to make sure the right parties are aware of what you hope to discover under the tree on the happiest morning of the year.

I was a big fan of your letter.  It was very well-written, and you did an excellent job of presenting your problem and making a case for yourself.  I definitely see a future for you as a writer if you’re willing to put in all the hard work that goes with it.  Piece of advice?  You need to be patient and never give up if you want to succeed in this business.   I wish you all the luck in the world.

As for your problem, I advise you to use your excellent writing skills to pen a very persuasive letter to Santa Claus!  After all, he is the one who makes sure that kids on the Nice List get what they deserve, right?

I’m sure he’s already aware of your situation, but it wouldn’t hurt to send him a nice letter to remind him of what’s going on, what you and your sister hope to get this Christmas, and to thank him for everything he does to make the Holiday awesome.

The buttering up part is key because Santa gets millions of letters, and 99% of them are all about what the writer wants and never ask about Santa and how he is doing.  Make your letter stand out by chatting him up a little, making small talk, and checking in on how things are for the big guy.  Remember, he’s under a lot of stress this time of year.

Hope it works.  And to answer your question: No, nice kids don’t always finish last.  Life just sometimes has different ways of rewarding you for being awesome.

Merry Christmas!


PS — Maybe you should ask Santa for a toga of your own!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to I Advise You To Write Santa Claus A Very Persuasive Letter

  1. List of X says:

    And if Santa doesn’t respond, the experience will still come in handy in a few years in writing college and job applications.

  2. floridaborne says:

    Can I write a letter to Santa and ask him to take some of this crap away from my house? I don’t want anything except possibly a few huge bones for my doggies and a bag of treats for the boys (coon cats)

  3. “Different way of rewarding you for being awesome.”

    That’s one way to think about it.

  4. ksbeth says:

    toddler togas are going to be the next big thing!

  5. Challenge accepted, my friend!

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