Frosty The Snowman Missing; Last Seen Arguing With Heat Miser

heatmiser2Frosty the Snowman might be a jolly, happy soul, Modern Philosophers, but right now he’s something else…missing!

The world’s most famous Snowman was last seen on Saturday night at the North Pole’s Jack Frost Lounge, where  Frosty had been celebrating the success of The Red & Green Foundation’s Race To The North Pole.

Mrs. Claus, whose charity sponsored the race, told this Modern Philosopher that she had spoken to Frosty just moments before she left to check on Santa, who was working late at the Workshop.  “I thanked him again for agreeing to be the race’s starter,” she told me with a sadness in her voice.  “We made plans to meet for brunch in the morning.”

Several witnesses reported that right after Mrs. Claus left the club, Heat Miser and his entourage entered.  Words were exchanged when the group passed Frosty’s table, and then Heat Miser and Frosty had some words.

Frosty“Heat Miser did most of the talking,” The Little Drummer Boy told me.  “He was getting all red in the face, yelling, waving his arms.  Frosty just sat there, a big smile on his face, looking amused by it all.”

“The more Frosty smiled and sat silently, the most angry and animated Heat Miser became,” Buddy the Elf added.  “Frosty was one cool customer, sipping his egg nog like he had not a care in the world.  Heat Miser, on the other hand, could not stop using very naughty words.”

North Pole Chief of Police Victor Gulag assured me that he had all available resources searching for Frosty.  “Frosty never showed up for the sleigh that was supposed to take him to his mall appearance on Monday morning.  Neither his manager, nor his agent have heard from him and he is not answering his cell phone or pager.  We are definitely concerned, but no one wants to jump to conclusions.”

Has Chief Gulag questioned Heat Miser yet?  “I can’t really comment on an ongoing investigation, but I will say that at Santa Claus’ urging, and with some help from Mother Nature, Heat Miser did come in for a discussion about his argument with Frosty at the Jack Frost Lounge.  He was accompanied by a team of lawyers, and he has promised not to leave the North Pole for the time being.”

SantaSanta Claus released the following statement: “I am deeply troubled by the disappearance of my friend Frosty.  Chief Gulag has assured me that no snowball will go unturned in his investigation, and that as of now, there is no reason to believe that Frosty isn’t alive and well.  Nevertheless, he will be in my thoughts and prayers until I can sit down and laugh with him again.”

One source inside the North Pole PD has told me they are sure that Heat Miser is behind the disappearance, but there isn’t enough evidence yet to tell if Mister Heat Blister, Mister Hundred And One turned Frosty into a puddle, or just stashed him somewhere.

“If Heat Miser decided to defrost Frosty, it would be the perfect crime,” my source said sadly as his voice trailed off.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  What happened to Frosty?  Is Heat Miser guilty of murder?  If so, what should be his punishment?

Here’s hoping that Frosty is just off on a bender or spending time with a new beau…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Christmas, Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Frosty The Snowman Missing; Last Seen Arguing With Heat Miser

  1. Richard M Nixon (Deceased) says:

    Reblogged this on Dead Citizen's Rights Society.

  2. Two new pieces of evidence just surfaced! One: Mrs. Clause came forward and confessed her long-term, clandestined affair with one, Frosty T. Snowman. Two: the elves reported a missing Easy Bake Oven from their workshop.

    • Austin says:

      Hmmm. It’s all circumstantial, though. I don’t think Mrs. Claus would cheat on Santa. I’ll have to talk to Chief Gulag about this and get back to you… 🙂

  3. ksbeth says:

    was heat miser sipping on a tall, cool drink while he was being questioned? love gulag’s name, perfect.

  4. The Cutter says:

    I assumed that given cold enough temperatures, Frosty could simply reform himself.

  5. They weren’t really arguing.
    It was more of a manipulation .
    Heat Mizer gave Frosty a hot hug, melted him, and then made Frosty into ice cubes.
    That’s what happened to Frosty….so…don’t drink any frozen drinks that Heat Mizer offers you.
    You might accidentally swallow a friend, and you would never forgive yourself.
    Send Heat Mizer this way. I think the hungry deer in my yard would be happy if he showed up to melt the ice that is covering the grass here.

  6. It sounds like Heat Miser and Frosty exchanged some heated words. Badumtss.

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