Why Won’t Trump Woo The Albinos?

Donald Trump, politics, racism, albinos, satire, humor, Modern PhilosopherYou don’t need to be Donald Trump’s personal chef, Modern Philosophers, to know he prefers white meat.

Trump’s popularity among voters increases exponentially as the color of their skin gets lighter.  Conversely, the Republican Presidential candidate’s desire to ban people from the country seems to increase as the color of their skin gets darker.

So that begs the obvious question: Why won’t Trump woo the Albino vote?

Republican leaders have been quietly asking that question behind closed doors (no need for fences here because everyone involved is American and white) and no one seems to know the answer.

Political pundits are asking the question with more frequency all across social media, but no one from Trump’s campaign has stepped up to answer the question.

Is it possible that the whitest of all white voters are a demographic that doesn’t appeal to the man who wants to make America white…I mean…great again?

I decided to discuss this with Sean Flanery, the head of Lighten Up!, one of the most politically active Albino groups in the country.

“I have absolutely no idea why Mr. Trump hasn’t made any sort of effort to woo the Albino vote,” Mr. Flanery told this Modern Philosopher.  “Maybe he simply assumes that because of the color of our skin, we’re firmly in his corner.”

Flanery chuckled when he made the comment, but the hurt in his eyes was obvious.

Donald Trump, politics, humor, racism, Modern PhilosopherWhen I inquired if Lighten Up! had reached out to Trump’s people, he laughed hysterically.  Seriously, he laughed so hard that he fell off his chair, rolled around on the floor for a good three minutes, and had tears pouring down his cheeks when he finally sat down again.

“Why would anyone vote for that pompous windbag?” he asked in confusion.

“Lighten Up! is all about making the world a better place, not just for Albinos, but for everyone,” Flanery continued.  “If we were to support a sexist, close minded xenophobe for President, we’d basically be saying that we’ve given up on life and we’re looking to begin the Apocalypse ahead of schedule.”

I was finally able to get through to Trump’s camp after I lied and said I was a contractor calling with an estimate on the border wall with Mexico.  When I pressed the campaign worker for Trump’s views on Albinos, I was told that she remembered the candidate once mentioning that he had enjoyed the movie “Powder”.

Recent polls indicate that Trump trails Hillary Clinton by nearly 100 points among African American and Latino voters.  When it comes to the Albino vote, however, Trump and Clinton are neck and neck with about 12% each.  Nearly 75% of Albinos said they plan to vote for Bernie Sanders.

Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, politics, humor, satire, Modern PhilosopherWhen asked to explain Sanders’ appeal, Mr. Flanery shrugged an replied, “I guess it’s because he’s pretty pale like us.  Bernie just gives off a cool Albino vibe.”

In conclusion, if Trump wants any chance of destroying this country by becoming our next President, he really needs to do a better job of wooing the Albinos.

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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4 Responses to Why Won’t Trump Woo The Albinos?

  1. adamjasonp says:

    I’ve wondered about this sort of thing… not about Donald— I never want to think about him… but over the “purity of race” nonsense. If whiter is “better,” then why not albinos? It reflects on the insanity of racism.

    Yeah, I would think the majority of albinos in the country, like everybody else, would also see this guy unfavorably. Like two-fold alienation, with how society at large already treats them.

    Whatever. Silly post. 🙂

  2. Joseph Nebus says:

    I can’t say for sure, but I’ve only known three albinos. One’s a fellow who’s cheery enough but a little charmingly daft and he’s probably going to vote on the wrong day, in the wrong polling place, possibly in the wrong state, anyway. Another was a guy in Singapore, so he wouldn’t be voting in this anyway. And the third was a squirrel on my grad school campus. I guess Trump could go after the campus-squirrel vote, but they might bite him on the leg too.

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