Should You Date A Death Star Employee?

Finding a date for Valentine's day, Star Wars, the Death Star, dating tips, life hack, relationships, humor, Modern PhilosopherValentine’s Day is just a month away, Modern Philosophers, and if you’re like me, you don’t yet have someone special in your life with whom to spend that day.

Don’t despair.  I’m here to provide you with a new hope via another dating tips post to help you find your Valentine before you have to spend another February 14th alone.

Some of you might already have a potential date in mind, but you’re hesitant to pull the trigger for any number of reasons.  This post focuses on whether you should ask out someone when her job causes some concern.

Since we’re all Star Wars fans here, I thought I’d use a key profession from those films as a part of your Jedi dating training.

Should you date someone who works in the Death Star?  Let’s look at the pluses and minuses of dating a Death Star employee…

The Death Star, Star Wars, The Empire, dating tips, relationships, Valentine's Day, love, life hacks, Modern PhilosopherPrestige — The Empire only hires the best of the best to work in its ultimate battle station, so you’d be dating someone who was great at her job.  Would she put her work before your relationship?  Would the fact that she had such a prestigious job make your life easier because you would have access to all the great things in the galaxy?

I would imagine Death Star employees never need a reservation at trendy restaurants, or have to wait in line at the hottest clubs.  I suppose anyone good enough to be picked to work at the Death Star would be a little cocky, so if confidence turns you on, this is a total fit for you.  And who doesn’t love a person in uniform?  Plus, I hear military benefits are awesome, so if you get married, you’d get to share those, too.

Distance — Not everyone can do the long distance thing.  It was a major hurdle when I was dating The Sweet Irish Girl, and it’s almost like being single because you never get to see your significant other.  There has never been any indication given that anyone other than Death Star employees live on the battle station, so it doesn’t appear to be an option to follow your sweetie across the galaxy.  Of course, it is said that distance makes the heart grow fonder.  Imagine how hot your dates would be when your baby finally comes home to visit on leave.  For some couples, the distance thing works because it’s hard to fight when you’re in different parts of the galaxy.

Star Wars, The Death Star, Impreial Fleet, dating tips, life hacks, relationships, love, humor, Modern PhilosopherPeer Pressure — You always want your friends to be cool with the person you’re dating, so what happens if you date someone who works on the Death Star, but your friends are sympathetic to the Rebellion?  Would you have to choose your Imperial lover over your pals?  Would you not tell your friends what your date did for a living?

Of course, this would be really easy if your friends were Team Empire.  They’d probably be totally supportive of your relationship, and pester you to ask your new special someone to hook them up with some coworkers.  If that’s the case, then dating someone from the Death Star could be a real boon for you, and help you spread a little love to the people most important in your life.

Darth Vader, the Dark Side of the Force, the Death Star, Star Wars, the Empire, dating tips, relationships, humor, Modern PhilosopherFear the Dark Side — As Eddie and the Cruisers so famously put it: “The dark side’s calling, now nothing is real…”  If your boo works on the Death Star, then she is going to be in the presence of Darth Vader and the Emperor more than you’d care to admit.

Lord Vader and Emperor Palpatine are very powerful, charismatic, and persuasive leaders forever looking to turn people to the Dark Side of the Force.  I’m not saying your date doesn’t have a strong mind of her own and can’t be trusted to resist her charming bosses, but wouldn’t it always be nagging at you that she could be succumbing to the Dark Side at any given moment?  As long as you trust your date, this shouldn’t be a problem.  Search your feelings and you will find the truth.

Constant Danger — Dating anyone in the military is hard.  You’d never know if your sweetheart was safe, and you’d live in constant worry.  Dating is hard enough without that extra baggage.  Do you think you can handle it?

Death Troopers, The Death Star, Star Wars, The Empire, dating tips, relationships, Valentine's day, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherSurvivor’s Guilt — While the Death Star is a technological marvel and the ultimate symbol of the Empire’s might, let’s not forget that it is also a battle station with the ability to destroy entire planets.

So while you might fall head over heels in love with someone who works at the facility that is the pride of Emperor Palpatine’s frozen heart, could you deal with the guilt of knowing that the person you share your life with was responsible, in some small part, for the ending of billions of lives?  If so, then you should totally date someone who works at the Death Star.  You also might want to talk to a mental health professional about the darkness that is rotting you out from the inside, but that can wait until after Valentine’s Day for sure.

The Death Star, Star Wars, dating tips, relationships, love, life hacks, humor, Modern PhilosopherThat Whole Exploding Into a Billion Pieces Thing — A recent survey shows that a post on the Death Star is almost always  the very last job a person holds in the Imperial Army or Navy.

So until the Empire hires a new architect or develops a better system of defending the Death Star, you should assume that any relationship you enter into with a Death Star employee will not be forever.  More than likely, it will last only until death do you part…and you won’t be the one dying.

I hope these dating tips come in handy.  If you have any questions, please reach out to me in the comments section, and I will do my best to answer them.

More importantly, if you are a single female, preferably living in this country, and you’d like to go on a date with me, let me know ASAP.  If you work on the Death Star, is there any chance you can get a transfer before we start dating?

May the Force be with all of you in the dating world!  It would probably help your dating karma is you followed my blog and followed me on Pinterest…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Should You Date A Death Star Employee?

  1. Austin, I have such respect for the way you tackle the really big and important questions in life. It takes real courage, for sure, to put yourself out on a limb like this and ask your readers to self-reflect on the pros and cons of dating a Death Star employee. Not many bloggers could pull this one off. But you do. And you do it admirably well. Thank you.

  2. You make me laugh, Austin. You bring me joy. I can think of no higher praise. 🙂

  3. Such very good points Sensei; I giggle. ~~dru~~

  4. Louise says:

    Omg you done it again…boy what a tricky minefield…hmmm i guess it would be no different to any other date set up especially if you are trying to cross class barriers ….we all been there so in a metaphorical way yes i would

  5. Louise says:

    Are not we all:)

  6. AthenaC says:

    Just one thing to add – make sure you’re the beneficiary of their Imperial life insurance. That way, when the inevitable happens, you will have something to ease the pain.

  7. The siths probably put in place some of the strictest work ethic guidelines for their employees, thus Death star employees might not be very fun people. Baby, we never go out, let’s go somewhere on a whim this weekend, let’s go on an unplanned road/space trip! Yeah… we could try that… but I have to be in front of my computer at 7 AM on Monday or I might get mind-strangled. I guess all conversations would pretty much end this way. 😛

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  9. Eli Pacheco says:

    Great stuff here, my friend. Strong until the end, which is way more than we can say of any Death Star to date.

    “Working hard, or hardly working?” I once said to a stormtrooper within earshot of Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin. I was working in the mailroom at the time, and I got passed up three times after that when I applied for a job as a power-droid maintenance man (they get full dental.) I’m considering taking a job as a shampooer of Wookies on the planet Kashyyyk. Benefits suck, but the tips are substantial.

  10. You had me at, “A new hope…”

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  12. kriskkaria says:

    Hi Austin,

    Loved this dating tip. Narrated this one and the Winter Dating for my podcast here, http://kriskkaria.podbean.com/e/should-you-date-a-death-star-employee/. Thanks!

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