Santa Claus Invites All Mainers To Winter At The North Pole

Everyone knows he sees you when you’re sleeping, and he knows when you’re awake, but were you aware that Santa Claus also sees you when you’re freezing, and he knows when you’re about to just give up because you’re fed up with Winter?

I received a wonderful surprise today, Modern Philosophers, when my good friend Santa Claus contacted me via Skype.  I was worried at first that the big guy had an emergency (my money was on his brother Fred having blown up the workshop again), but it turns out it was a merry and jolly call.

“Austin, I’ve been reading your blog and it’s obvious that Winter is really getting to you,” Santa explained.  “Mrs. Claus and I would love to invite all Mainers to spend as much time as they’d like at the North Pole for the rest of the Winter.”

I was flabbergasted by the offer, and made St. Nick repeat it just to make sure I had heard him correctly.

“Ho!  Ho! Ho!” Santa laughed.  “We hate knowing that you are all so gloomy right after being so merry.”

“It’s much warmer up here than it is in Maine.  There’s always snow, but the temperature hovers right around freezing. There’s rarely any wind, so you need not fear the wind chill.  All the buildings are kept toasty warm, day and night.”

It sounded too good to be true.  Where would people stay?  Wouldn’t it get too crowded with a sudden influx of people?

“Do you have any idea how large the North Pole is, Austin?” he asked and made me feel a bit foolish because I was totally clueless.  “It’s twice the size of Maine, and right now, aside from Mrs. Claus and myself, there’s maybe two dozen other people here.”

How could that be?  Where were all the Elves?

“The Elves bail right after New Year’s Day,” Santa answered with a chuckle.  “After being cooped up here and working all those hours during the Christmas Season, they cannot wait to vacation in much warmer climates.  All they want to do is relax, get drunk, and work on their tans.”

“Mrs. Claus and I miss having company.  We’d love the North Pole to be alive again.  There’s plenty of places to stay since the Elves aren’t using their quarters.  We’ve got the best chefs on the planet here, and with my Christmas Magic, I can supply pretty much anything you might need to keep yourselves entertained.  All absolutely free!  So spread the word.  I’d love to have folks start arriving this weekend, so we have a whole week to plan a massive Super Bowl party!”

I know it sounds too good to be true, Modern Philosophers, but so does the concept of Christmas, and Santa Claus makes that happen every year.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve got plenty of vacation time, and I’m planning to spend it all up at the North Pole.

Santa is even going to pick me up in his sleigh.  How can I pass up on that offer?

As for other Mainers who wants to accept Santa’s invitation, our Alien friends have volunteered to make daily shuttle runs up to the North Pole twice a day from various locations across the state.  I will post a schedule on the blog once it’s ready.

Maybe Winter isn’t so bad after all…