The Heat Is On…And Not In An Axel Foley Kinda Way

beverly_hills_copI did something unthinkable this morning, Modern Philosophers.

It was the kind of thing that should’ve caused Axel Foley to kick in my door, burst into The House on the Hill with his gun drawn, and place me under arrest.

What did I do that was so damn wrong?

On the morning of June 2, I turned on the heat!

Trust me, I fought it for as long as I could.  I was so cold last night as I sat in the living room watching TV.  I wore my flannel pajama pants and a long sleeve sweatshirt to bed.  I even pulled the hood up over my head to keep my ears warm.

This morning, it was too much.  After I chipped away the ice that had formed on the bed over night, I rode a dogsled down to the living room and cranked up the thermostat.

It wasn’t at all like sunny Beverly Hills inside The House on the Hill.  That global warming that Al Gore promised us was nowhere to be be found.

Austin JunoOn the second day of June, when I should have been thinking about Summer and getting a tan, I felt like the miserable guy in the photo to the left.

I suppose the silver lining in it all was that I still had plenty of heating oil in the furnace.

And it wasn’t snowing.

So is the New Ice Age upon us, Modern Philosophers?  Has the Winter that wouldn’t end just decided to keep on going well past its normal date of expiration?

I dedicated a lot of blog space this past Winter to the record snowfall, the frigid temperatures, the New Ice Age, the vanishing Global Warming, and my Post Traumatic Snow Disorder.

None of those topics were on the blog’s agenda for June.  In fact, I had planned to write about rainbows, unicorns, how Werewolves keep cool, sunburn remedies for Leprechauns, tips for disguising the disgusting stench of Summer Zombie Rot, and spells for conjuring up the perfect BBQ feast.

So why am I using a photo of me taken during Winter Storm Juno on my June 2 blog post?  There could be only one reason…

Snow MiserThat’s right, Modern Philosophers.  It’s Snow Miser.  My archenemy.  The bane of my existence.  The Ice Nymph with an ice cube for a brain.

Clearly, he has missed being the center of my attention, and the focus of a blog with 13,000 dedicated followers.

I guess they just don’t give him the coverage he desires on the other side of the world, so he decided to sneak back into Maine to cause some trouble.

I don’t normally negotiate with terrorists, but if putting Snow Miser’s ugly mug on my blog and mentioning him a few times in tonight’s post will fuel his ego and send him on his way then Snow Miser, Snow Miser, Snow Miser, Snow Miser!

Now get the hell out of here before I send Axel Foley after you!

SpringLet’s think Deep Thoughts that remind us of Spring and June, Modern Philosophers.

Sunshine, flowers in bloom, burgers sizzling on the grill, short shorts, writing out on the porch, ice cream, hanging out by the pool. What else have you got?

If you think it, Spring will come…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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22 Responses to The Heat Is On…And Not In An Axel Foley Kinda Way

  1. Pamela Edwards says:

    Bless your frozen heart ! Wish i could send some of our heat & humidity your way .

  2. markbialczak says:

    We’ve had our furnace on since Monday morning now in Syracuse, Austin. It hasn’t kicked on since 10 this morning, but haven’t turned it off yet. I’m hoping we’re done with that. Knock on wood. Gack!

  3. plaguedparents says:

    We’ve been running the heat all day!

  4. Steven turned the heat on this morning, because our beloved schnoodle, Tabby, is sick again. We hoped it would make her more comfortable. I hesitate to mention how grateful I was to be able to snuggle with a warm body last night, but you did have to sneak in the mention of your 13,000 followers. We’re supposed to warm up by the weekend. Hopefully you will too.

  5. Lidy says:

    You had me at The Heat…I wish I could send you some heat and humidity your way. But the temperature has been dropping and it’s raining as if it’s spring. Which I find hilarious because there was no spring this year. Same as last year, we had winter, with no spring in sight, and just went straight through summer. I doubt we’ll have a fall either.

  6. hollie says:

    It hit 90 degrees here today!

  7. DenaRogers says:

    The heat kicked on here in Kentucky, too. Crazy weather. Someone needs to inform Mother Nature it’s June.

  8. susielindau says:

    I had to turn on the air conditioner two nights ago. It finally dried out and warmed up!

  9. The weather’s gone mad this year. Here in NZ our southernmost city, Dunedin, got 2 months rainfall in 1 day this week. Global climate chaos reigns.

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