Popular Prescription: Patriotic Porch Pie

PharmacistDoctors are so quick these days, Modern Philosophers, to write out a prescription for a magic pill that can cure whatever ails you.

I am big supporter of Magic, but the kind conjured up by Witches, not dispensed in tablet form by a doctor.

I’m a little unclear as to where I stand on Witch Doctors at this point, but that is a series of Deep Thoughts for another blog post.

I must admit, Modern Philosophers, that the dark clouds rolled in yesterday afternoon, and have remained with me for the past twenty-four hours.  Sometimes, I can sleep myself out of a funk, but I had some horrible nightmares last night, and woke up unrefreshed and still in the chilly embrace of a grumbly mood.

Having to get up early for a meeting didn’t help, and by the time lunch rolled around, I had resigned myself to the fact that it was going to be one of those days.  Without a regular source of sunshine and love to run off to for help, my options were to either ride it out (while hoping not to cause too much damage along the way), or to come up with a solution to clear away the clouds and let the warm sun in again.

pie 1I chose to be proactive and wrote myself a prescription for Patriotic Porch Pie.

Sure, comfort food might not always be the best way to go, especially when I’m trying to lose some weight, but apple pie popped into my head and stubbornly refused to leave.

In the process, it pushed out the thoughts that had me moping around, dragging my feet, and forgetting how to smile.

With Independence Day right around the corner, what could be more patriotic than a little apple pie, Modern Philosophers?

pie 2I suppose I could add whipped cream and Snapple to the cart, and really get All-American about it.  For the record, those giant Monkey Boy feet that crept into the shot (they couldn’t be avoided as they are so huge!) are not part of the deal.

I know what you’re thinking, Modern Philosophers: “Austin, you’re not a doctor.  You shouldn’t be self-medicating to deal with the dark clouds.”

You’re right.  That’s why I called my PCP, Dr. Jekyll, and asked him to sign off on this plan.  Dr. J wasn’t available, but I did speak to his associate Mr. Hyde, who assured me that Patriotic Porch Pie was definitely what I needed.

pie 5The pie certainly seemed at home out there on the front porch of The House on the Hill.  I made sure to only take the prescribed first dose, even though I was tempted to increase my serving…not because I was that down, but because the pie looked that good.

Despite the dark clouds lingering over my head, it was a gorgeous Summer afternoon here in Maine.  I got off work early, so there was plenty of time to head out to the porch and enjoy my prescription before dinner.

pie 4Trust me, I understand that I can’t always turn to apple pie when I’m down in the dumps, but it’s good to know that I have coping skills, and do know when I need to take action.

This was my first grumpy day in quite some time.  I’ve actually been surprised at how long the happy clown has remained out in public, while the sad clown has stayed hidden.

I know I’ll never be truly happy while my heart is so empty, but maybe I’ve gotten better at being alone.  Or at the very least, I’ve evolved into a being who understands that being single doesn’t mean I’m a total loser destined to be alone forever.

I think.

pie 3So the next time the dark clouds are stalking you, Modern Philosophers, I highly recommend you write yourself a prescription for Patriotic Porch Pie.

Not only will it improve your mood, but it will also make you feel like a true American (for my non-American readers, you can either insert your own nationality there, or simply feel free to feel like a true American).

I’m not sure what the future holds, but right now, I’m in a very good place.

How do you cope, Modern Philosophers, when you’re not having the best day?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to Popular Prescription: Patriotic Porch Pie

  1. jacobemet says:

    I break stuff. Loads of stuff. The more I break, the better I feel.
    I highly recommend breaking a few eggs–into the skillet. 😉

  2. floridaborne says:

    Love the pix of the apple pie. 🙂

    When the dark clouds hit, I head for the Pringles, then I’m guzzling Ensure and yogurt for 3 days — ah, but chips are such good-for-the-moment comfort food.

  3. rowanaliya says:

    That’s a Rx I can get behind. Maybe that should be part of your platform for your presidential campaign!

  4. AthenaC says:

    Alcohol. Lots of it. Or working out if I’m in a less self-destructive mood. Sometimes both!

  5. D. Parker says:

    Chocolate. Books. Games. Walking. TV. Not necessarily in that order.
    Great prescription, Austin! 🙂

  6. ksbeth says:

    seems like the perfect solution to me.

  7. Blake Standard says:

    Pies, donuts, ‘za. All are good for you. Good for your soul. They also guilt you into going for a run which is also good for you.

  8. The problem with self-medicating with food is that it almost always works. That is one reason I am so fat, but we’re not talking about me. I’m thinking you were also helped by sitting on your porch in the sunshine, feet up, enjoying. What I and others have found is that when you are down, very often, doing something, almost anything can help. I sometimes ride out my bad moods, but if I just sit there and be in a bad mood, it takes a lot longer (oops, talking about me again). Glad you’re in a good place now.

  9. The Chaos Realm says:

    For those “total loser” moments: eat macaroni and cheese and rewatch episodes from my favorite shows (Something escapist–right now, it’s Star Trek: Voyager). Or I go out to the beach, at night. Or sleep.

  10. Pingback: Fun Ways to Enliven Eating at Home! Even if You’re a Single Dweller! | The Realm of the Chaos Fairy

  11. Ocean Bream says:

    I have some tea, get back into bed, and contemplate the world as it rumbles slowly past. However your apple pie plan looks and sounds absolutely spiffing!

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