Maine Votes For Sanity Over Trump

Everyone knows that Maine is kinda crazy, Modern Philosophers, but I’m proud to announce that it is officially not the Donald Trump kinda crazy!

Much to my relief, yesterday’s Maine Republican Caucus was won by Ted Cruz.  While no prize himself, Senator Cruz’s best quality might very well be that he is not Donald Trump.

The results of the caucus were decidedly in Cruz’s favor, and I’m still not sure if that was a vote for Cruz, or a vote against Trump, but all that really matters is that I can now safely say I don’t live in Trump Country.

Of course, I might not be able to say that in November after Election Day, but it is something of a relief being able to say that now.

We still have at least eight more months of freedom to enjoy before chaos reigns.

Trump spent a couple of hours in Maine on Thursday, but he only got as far as Portland.  As a result, Maine Public Health officials did not find it necessary to decontaminate my part of the state.

I’m told that Portland is still under quarantine, with domes being used to keep the citizens from spreading any Trump related contagion throughout the state.

Maine is mostly Democratic, and I hope the burning sensation Maine Democrats feel prior to today’s Democratic Caucus is one for Bernie Sanders, and not a side effect of Trump’s recent visit.

I still think Senator Sanders, Doc Brown’s doppelganger and Angry Obi-Wan, is the sanest choice for an electorate that seems begging to be fitted for a straitjacket.

Of course, voters can only choose from what is on the menu, and the chefs of the Republican and Democrat parties are only offering slightly scarier variations of the same Unhappy Meal.

I was tempted to drive to Husson University yesterday to observe the Republican Caucus process.  However, I feared I would either be identified by Trump loyalists and thrown over a wall erected to keep out anti-Trump free speech, or my clothes would end up reeking from the stench of hatred and xenophobia and I’d be force to burn them.

CNN was tantalizingly slow in reporting the results last night, and I assumed this meant that the unfortunate folks counting the votes were impeded by having to read through all the hate messages Trump supporters added to their ballots.

I was amused by the comment Trump made about the Maine results during his victory speech.  He said something like, “Of course Ted won in Maine.  It’s so close to Canada.”

Yes, Donald, Maine is very close to Canada.  That’s why we were able to vote against you yesterday without any worries.  You see, Mainers know we can easily slip across the border to freedom before End of Days, aka your Inauguration, takes place.

As for why Senator Cruz won up here, I think it might have had something to do with his catchy campaign slogan:  “Vote for me. I’m not Trump!”

I’m just glad that the focus of this crazy Election Season has shifted away from Maine.  We prefer peace and quiet, and we treasure our sanity…

Has your state held its 2016 Presidential Primary or Caucus yet?  If so, did the candidate of your choice win?  Would you feel the need to abandon your state if Donald Trump was the winner there?

I don’t know if you’re following this election as closely as I am, but I would like to at least know that you’re following me on Pinterest…