Are You Better Off Being Single On Valentine’s Day?

Are You Better Off Being Single On Valentine's Day? | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherThe interns tell me, Modern Philosophers, that I have received a ton of emails from you requesting another Dating Tips post.

With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, it seems like the perfect time to share my Deep Thoughts on the dating world.  However, now that Melissa has won my heart and I am happily in a relationship again, I am a changed man.

I can try to dispense wisdom on dating, but it won’t be coming from the same angry and befuddled place as my previous posts.

Of course, I am always up for a challenge, so I have decided to write a post about why it might not be such a bad thing to be single on Valentine’s Day.

Here are my Deep Thoughts on that subject…

Valentine’s Day is expensive.  Valentine’s Day is the Super Bowl of dating, Modern Philosophers.  If you are lucky enough to be on the playing field for the big day, you really need to bring your A Game.  This is one holiday where a card, your charm, and dinner at McDonald’s is simply not going to cut it.

February 14th demands that you break the bank.  She’s going to expect flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and dinner at a restaurant with a name you cannot pronounce and a menu that you cannot afford.

If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, you can still have dinner at McDonald’s.  Since it’s a holiday, maybe splurge and Super Size it.  That’s still way cheaper than what the day would cost you if you had a date.

Are You Better Off Being Single On Valentine's Day? | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherValentine’s Day is stressful.  Please see the above entry for more information on the financial stresses linked to this holiday.

There are plenty of other things to stress about, too, Modern Philosophers.  You are going to be under a lot of pressure to make this day perfect for your date.  If you screw it up, you will hear about it for the rest of the year.

That is, if your significant other doesn’t break up with you first.  A horribly planned Valentine’s Day will end more relationships than cheating or being bad in bed.

Don’t forget, you’re not just trying to impress your date.  There is an unseen entourage who will be judging you on every tiny detail after the fact.

No pressure.  No pressure at all!

Valentine’s Day is an audition for something much bigger.  Let me just make this simple, guys.  Your lady is using Valentine’s Day to decide if you are husband material.

So use that bit of information however you want.  If you think there’s any chance she is the one, then you’d better come through big time.

However, if this is just a fling for you, and you aren’t looking for a long term relationship, you had better not give her a great Valentine’s Day.  Screw up royally, or before you know it, she will have you registered for wedding presents all over town.

Are You Better Off Being Single On Valnetine's Day? | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherDo you really trust an Angel in a diaper with your romantic future?  Valentine’s Day is also Cupid’s big day, Modern Philosophers.

Legend has it that if he goes all Katniss at the Hunger Games on you and shoots you with his arrow on February 14, you’ve got to spend the rest of your life with whoever you’re looking at when it happens.

So, if you’re out on a date, there is a chance that Cupid could use your future for target practice.  If you’re fine with an Angel in a diaper deciding your fate, then you should definitely be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is discriminatory.  If you’re in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, you are essentially saying that you support a holiday that discriminates like no other.

Could you imagine the uproar there would be if Santa Claus only delivered presents to people in a relationship?  How would Americans react if they were told they could only go to Thanksgiving Dinner if they had a significant other?

There would be chaos, looting, and multiple revolutions.

So why would you want to give your blessing, Modern Philosophers, to a holiday that discriminates against those who can’t find a date?

I’m disappointed in you.  I expected more.

Are You Better Off Being Single On Valentine's Day? | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherHave you ever seen a Jedi celebrate Valentine’s Day?  I know that it always seems to come down to Star Wars with me, but the movie has a major impact on the way I live my life, Modern Philosophers.

What have we learned about love from the Star Wars franchise?  If you fall in love, you either grow up to be Darth Vader, or your son grows up to be Kylo Ren.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, having a date on Valentine’s Day would have caused a great disturbance in the Force.

Do you think that Rey, who very well might be the most eligible female in the Star Wars universe, roamed the deserts of Jakku hoping that someone would ask her to be his Valentine?

Of course not.  Rey knew better than that.  She wore that one tattered outfit all the time and did that weird thing with her hair because she was trying to scare away suitors.

Let’s not forget what Luke Skywalker once said about Valentine’s Day in this meme that I created just today…

Are You Better Off Being Single On Valentine's Day? | The Return of the Modern PhilosopherThose should be enough Dating Tips to help you understand that you don’t need to have a date on Valentine’s Day to be happy.

If you’d like me to cover a specific topic in a future Dating Tips posts, just send me an email and the interns will let me know.

Don’t know what to get me for Valentine’s Day?  You can follow me on Pinterest…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Holidays, Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Are You Better Off Being Single On Valentine’s Day?

  1. That said, what are your plans for the day? Actually, I spent many of my single years hating Valentine’s Day. I didn’t need flowers AND candy AND jewelry AND dinner, but I would have settled for any of the above, even MacDonalds (neither the dollar menu nor super sizing existed in those dark days; that’s how old I am). Now I have a perfectly good husband who often purchases me a small token while I tend to lame out with something stupid like a poem (I did that on our last anniversary and used it as a blog post; he liked it fine, what a guy!). Well, I hope you enjoy the romance and keep the dating tips coming. I’ll need them if Steven ever gets sick of the poetry!

  2. This made my heart happy, and my belly laugh.
    Austin and Melissa sittin’ in a tree…well, you know the rest 🙂

  3. Damon says:

    Angel in a diaper… lol – Yeah, just another reason to stimulate someone else pocketbook while depleting ours. Somewhere along the way we have lost sight of the true meanings of things. It’s not about the amount of money you spend. To me, it’s about the amount of emotions you’ve spent. Oh well, call me old fashioned if you like. I can live with that…

    BTW Austin… I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award. You can check it out on my page if you like. Wishing you and yours a great day. Thank You 🙂

  4. It’s all just terribly commercialised and a giant amount of stress…But if the bloke doesn’t at least wish me happy valentine’s I’m going to be pissed off! lol

  5. Shame you two can’t spend the day together. I’m sure you can have your own valentine’s day in your time, which would be more special when you think about it.

  6. Haha! Very funny post, I’m so done with V-day. This year I think the bf and I will order in Chinese and watch Bond. There’s so much pressure to make it super-romantic that it’s not fun anymore!

  7. Ula says:

    Thanks for the laughs. Love this: “If you fall in love, you either grow up to be Darth Vader, or your son grows up to be Kylo Ren.” Valentine’s Day is fun when you’re married. This year, we haven’t decided what we’ll do, but it has to be free or cheap and our son has to be able to participate (we don’t want to shell out for a babysitter).

  8. Mandi says:

    I love this post! I’ve been happily married for 16 years and we simply don’t celebrate v-day any longer. It’s much better to appreciate each other all year long.

  9. Raymond says:

    Haha. I had a good old laugh at this. Cupid and his target practise – damn him!!

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