Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall (But A Horrible Summer)

Humpty Dumpty, clumsy, King Klutz, real life, humor, Modern PhilosopherDespite my humble upbringing on the mean streets of Brooklyn, and my modest current lifestyle at The House on the Hill, I do have royal blood, Modern Philosophers.

I am King Klutz.

I clumsily rule over my empire with a bloodied head bandage as my crown and a battered crutch as my scepter.

It was only a few months ago, after many years of legal battles, that I was finally able to get ambulance crews from following me everywhere I went.

Sure, it was convenient to have them there when I inevitably fell and spilled more blood, but their constant presence made me feel jinxed.  It was like knowing that a medical team was always just a few feet away predisposed me to take a tumble.

After all, it would be rude to waste the time of those poor EMTs, who could have been off saving lives somewhere else.

But this blog post isn’t about my finally winning my independence from my Good Samaritan stalkers.

This tale is about how I somehow managed to trip, crash land, and draw blood while out for a casual after dinner stroll last evening.

As you well know, since I won’t stop writing about it, I have been on a fitness tear over the last few months.  I’ve collected well over a million steps since April first, and prior to last night, had managed to keep myself upright and free of blood stains for every one of them.

Humpty Dumpty, clumsy, King Klutz, real life, humor, Modern PhilosopherBut King Klutz must always make an appearance so that his subjects know he is alive and well.

Long live the King…if the King can manage to avoid doing anything clumsy enough to put his life in danger.

So I was just walking (something I’ve been doing very successfully for over four decades) when I suddenly found myself sprawled out on the sidewalk.

From what I could tell, no one had jumped out and shoved me to the ground.  There wasn’t an earthquake that shook the earth and threw me off balance.   A Flying Monkey didn’t dive bomb at me.

I just tripped over my two left feet, and spilled Royal blood on a sidewalk outside of a commoner’s dwelling not far from The House on the Hill.

Of course, I do place some of the blame on the other side of the Atlantic, in a country that still has a Queen and adores its Royal Family.

I’m not going to call out a woman in glasses, who is a devoted reader of this blog, but I was texting her when King Klutz decided I didn’t have enough physical comedy in my life.

Yes, I was probably eager to impress a beautiful Brit by showing her that Queen Elizabeth had a little competition on the good side of the Atlantic.

I just wish I had given myself advance notice of the plan.  Now that I’ve lost all this weight, I had forty fewer pounds of cushion to absorb the pain of my proving that the Earth’s gravity is still working perfectly.

Humpty Dumpty, clumsy, King Klutz, real life, humor, Modern PhilosopherLook at my poor hand!

I’m left handed, so I really put my writing career in jeopardy with that tumble.

Luckily, I was still able to clutch a pen when I finally hobbled back to The House on the Hill.  Unfortunately, I had to throw out that pen because it was covered in blood.

My leg was much worse, but this is a family friendly blog, and I didn’t want to scare off a large part of my audience, or attract battered leg fetishists by posting the gruesome photos.

After dusting myself off and secretly wishing that there was an ambulance crew nearby to swoop in and deal with the blood, I got back on my merry way.

Thankfully, there was no one around to witness my fall.  The last thing I needed was photos of me sprawled out on the sidewalk plastered all over the internet and on the cover of every newspaper and magazine in the country.

While such attention isn’t necessarily that bad, amateur photographers who sell their photos to the highest bidder, never take the time to make sure they get my good side.

I poured hydrogen peroxide on my wounds and then spent the rest of the night on the couch.  Don’t worry, I was smart enough to put up the guard rails to prevent me from falling off the couch and inflicting any further damage.

I cut my hands and my leg…I didn’t hit my head.

The Deep Thoughts were still flowing, even if they were moving through my brain in the Old English that King Klutz favors because he is pretentious and thinks it makes people find him intriguing.

Hey, King Klutz, thou art a horse’s arse!

When it was time to retire for the evening, I had the interns wrap me in bubble wrap and then strap me into the bed.

As a result, I spent the night dreaming that I was a mummy, a hot dog, and a tattered trunk strapped to the hood of an old station wagon.

Humpty Dumpty, clumsy, King Klutz, real life, humor, Modern PhilosopherI woke up sore, bruised, and trying to recall where I’d put my book on interpreting dreams, but without any new injuries.

Forty-five minutes later, the intern with the purple hair finally arrived for work and let me out of bed.

I made a mental note to change the interns’ work schedule so that there’s always someone at The House on the Hill before dawn to assist me if needed.

I need to find a girlfriend.  I’d much rather someone I loved unstrap me from bed in the morning, you know?

Hopefully, King Klutz has gone back to his castle to sit on his big, cushy throne.  I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t make another appearance for some time.

It’s not that I don’t like being King.  I just don’t enjoy the pain associated with the title.

Heavily bruised is the head that wears the crown…

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

More Thoughts On A Walk

Thoughts on a Walk, life, humor, philosophy, Aaron Judge, Modern PhilosopherThe blog’s business managers made an unannounced visit to The House on the Hill today, Modern Philosophers.  Too many suits gathered in one place makes me anxious, so I was eager to get them on their way as quickly as humanly possible.

They told me that the blog’s numbers are way up since I wrote my first Thoughts on a Walk post (an idea for which they took credit), and they implored me to write another.

Since it was the only way to get them to leave, I agreed to post one tonight.  After all, I planned to sit out on the porch and read after my walk, so why not write instead?

Besides, the business managers always leave behind stacks of money and cases of Snapple, so I feel guilty not giving them what they want.  Catholic Guilt is still haunting me decades after getting paroled from Catholic School.

Here are some of the thoughts that rumbled through my head tonight on my walk…

Thoughts on a Walk, life, humor, philosophy, Aaron Judge, Modern PhilosopherWhy do they call it an air conditioner?  Conditioner is that mystery liquid shampoo companies have brainwashed us into thinking we need so we spend twice as much on hair care products.

How is this device conditioning in the air?  It’s chilling it.  Making it colder and more comfortable.  So why not call it the air chiller?  The arctic blast?  The cold-o-meter?

I’ve never agreed with the term “air conditioner” and that probably explains why I refuse to buy one for The House on the Hill.

Thoughts on a Walk, life, humor, philosophy, Aaron Judge, Modern PhilosopherWhy do I love rain, but loathe snow?  I took this photo of the storm clouds gathering over The House on the Hill as I concluded my walk, and I couldn’t wait to scurry over onto that gorgeous porch to write as I enjoyed the storm.

Rain and snow are like cousins, or maybe even half-siblings, right?  So why does rain get all the love, while snow is the redheaded stepchild of weather conditions?

I know I hate shoveling snow and am scared of driving in it, but shouldn’t driving in a downpour frighten me, too?  How come it doesn’t?

I’m going to have to see a meteorpsychologist about this one for sure…

Thoughts on a Walk, life, humor, philosophy, Aaron Judge, Modern PhilosopherAaron Judge is definitely my new favorite Yankee.  After Derek Jeter retired, I wondered who would take over that position.

Growing up, it was Reggie Jackson, then Don Mattingly, and then Jeter.  I was hoping that one of this crop of Baby Bombers would turn out to be Yankee Numero Uno for me, and the titleholder has definitely revealed himself.

Not only is Judge a tremendous baseball player, but he is also an amazing human being.  He is so humble, constantly smiling, truly enjoys playing the game, always puts the team first, won’t speak poorly of another player, and is amazing to the fans.

And, man, can #99 hit!  I was watching the game the afternoon he launched a 496 foot rocket into the far reaches of Yankee Stadium.  And he hit four shots over 500 feet while winning the Home Run Derby on Monday night.  Wow!

I love watching the Yankees this season, and Aaron Judge is a huge part of that.  I haven’t been this excited about my favorite team in years.  Go Yankees!

Thoughts on a Walk, life, humor, philosophy, Aaron Judge, Modern PhilosopherWhat’s with this new trend of my neighbors leaving chairs along my running route so that I can sit down and relax when my legs need a break?

The above pictured chair turned up in three different places over the weekend.  Tonight, there was a second chair a couple of blocks from The House on the Hill.

It is so much easier for me to push myself a little harder when I know the folks in the neighborhood are looking out for me.  Thanks, guys!

Thoughts on a Walk, life, humor, philosophy, Aaron Judge, Modern PhilosopherWhy do people act like I have a superpower just because I’ve been able to focus on fitness and manage to lose a ton of weight in the process?

I’m so tired of hearing people say, “I’m not like you, Austin” and “I can’t do what you do” and “I wish I had the dedication”.

That’s such bull$%^&.  I was disgustingly overweight, frighteningly out of shape, and had absolutely no desire to do anything about it.

And then one day, I got up off my lazy ass and went for a run.  Yeah, I struggled.  Sure, I hated it, but the next day, I went for another run.

Before long, I had a little schedule.  I had goals.  The desire I didn’t previously had suddenly began burning in my belly.

It’s not hard to walk away from the whoopie pies, or to go for a walk instead of sitting down to watch TV.

Getting up a little earlier every morning is a pain at first, but you get used to it.  Trust me, it gets even easier once you start to see the results.

I’m not doing anything special.  I just chose to stop being lazy and be better at life.

Anyone can do it!

Thoughts on a Walk, life, humor, philosophy, Daisy Ridley, Modern PhilosopherWould Rey be impressed by the new, improved me?  I think she would be.  She’d see a little bit of herself in me, and realize I was someone she could be comfortable with the more she got to know me.

Some nights, when my legs are just too tired, I search my feelings, focus on my Jedi training, and tell myself that if I walk for five more minutes, Rey will fall for me.

It’s my own version of the Jedi Mind Trick.  I just hope Rey can sense my presence and is on her way to find me…

Those are my thoughts, and I refuse to alter them in any manner!  Hope you enjoyed your trip through my mind, and I implore you not to leave behind any messes up there.

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Skinnier Guy Problems

health, fitness, weight loss, diet, clothes shopping, humor, Modern PhilosopherSunday was day one hundred of my new fitness routine, Modern Philosophers, and the bathroom scale rewarded my hard work by revealing that I’d lost 39 lbs.

That means I’m more than halfway to my goal of losing 75 lbs, and finally light enough to have to worry again about being blown away should a tornado hit.

Of course, being skinnier isn’t all fun and games.  It does have its downside, and I had to deal with one such problem on my day off yesterday.

I had to go clothes shopping.

Not because being thinner gave me a new fashion sense, but because nothing in my closet fit me anymore.

I felt like the kid from Big when he was wandering around in Tom Hanks’ suit…

health, fitness, weight loss, diet, clothes shopping, humor, Modern PhilosopherI bet that suit was really heavy on him because Hanks was known to carry his Oscars around in the pockets of the jacket.

Since I really have no fashion sense, and because I crave convenience, I trudged the two miles up to Walmart for a wardrobe update.

I bought three new pairs of work pants and a new pair of jeans.  I didn’t want to go to overboard, though, because I plan on losing even more weight.  Every size down also lightens the weight of my wallet, you know?

So I’m now down two pants sizes or four inches in the waist.

As much as I hate clothes shopping, I want someone’s opinion to tell me if I’m buying the right items.  When I was dating Melissa, we would video chat from the men’s section, so she could approve my purchases from Ireland as I wandered the aisles with no clue.

health, fitness, weight loss, diet, clothes shopping, humor, Modern PhilosopherYesterday, I had to ask the Walmart lady who stands outside the changing room to make sure I wasn’t going to shoplift, if she thought a pair of pants looked good on me.  She probably thought it was part of some clever ruse to distract her so I could run off with $15 slacks, but she did tell me she thought they were too long on me.

As always, I got stuck on the slowest line.  Because this particular Walmart requires all its cashiers to have been born before World War II, my line was operated by someone who probably voted for FDR.

In addition, the woman ahead of me must have purchased everything in the store that was not in my cart.  And she apparently removed all the price tags before getting in line because FDR’s biggest fan could not seem to find a price on any of the 30,000 items stacked perilously on the conveyor belt.

What might have amazed me the most, however, was the cashier’s sheer determination to fit all 30,000 products into a single shopping bag.  She kept cramming things in that bag like I used to stuff my fat boy legs into a pair of jeans.

It was infuriating, but also impossible not to watch.

When I finally got back to The House on the Hill, I made a little ceremony of removing the Fat Boy items from my closet and replacing them with the Skinnier Guy clothes.

I hired a jazz trio to play uplifting tunes, had a photographer take lots of pictures, and made the interns line up and applaud as every giant article of clothing was removed and then carefully turned into a tent that could accommodate three people.

health, fitness, weight loss, diet, clothes shopping, humor, Modern PhilosopherSo, yeah, I spent a decent chunk of time on my day off updating my wardrobe, but I have come to accept that skinnier guy problems are a part of the new me.

As far as problems go, they’re not the worst.

With a few more months of dedication and hard work, I’ll look like the happy guy in the photo on the left.  Only 36 lbs to go.

Maybe by then, I will have found someone special to help me pick out my skinnier guy clothes.  Not that the woman in Walmart yesterday wasn’t special, of course…

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Superhero Envy

The Devil, short story, superheroes, The Flash, Supergirl, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern Philosopher“You know what I really hate about you mortals?” The Devil bellowed before I even saw him.

He finally strode into view wearing an impeccably tailored suit and a frown, and then stood in the doorway to the living with his arms crossed waiting for me to reply.

Apparently, it was going to be “one of those” Sundays.  I really had no choice but to play along because you will never win a staring contest with Lucifer.

“There are so many things to hate,” I quipped as I reached for my Snapple.  “Do you want to narrow it down for me?”

“I loathe the way they talk about me in your blog, but have nothing but unicorns and rainbows to hurl in the general direction of any superhero you happen to mention in your posts!” The Prince of Darkness roared as he made his way over to the couch.

I took a long sip of my Snapple because I needed a moment to process this most recent outburst from my regular Sunday guest.

“The Sundays With Satan Short Story Series is the most popular feature on my blog,” I replied with some confusion.  “My readers love you.  You’re like a well dressed rock star to them.  How do they talk about you that upsets you?”

Satan let out something that sounded like a frustrated growl before he sat down on his end of the couch.  His body language betrayed that he was not happy, but his suit still hung just perfectly on him.  How he managed that, I had no idea.

The Devil, short story, superheroes, The Flash, Supergirl, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern Philosopher“You know the comments,” The Devil admonished me.  “The ones that chastise you for letting me into your home.  The ones that ramble on about how I am the scourge of all that is good and do not deserve to be humanized or turned into a hero.  Before you try to deny it, I remember every such comment word for word, and have committed to memory exactly who wrote each one.”

“Just words on a blog,” I tried to make him feel better.

Lucifer would not have it, and shook his head adamantly.

“People say what they truly feel on the internet because they think they can hide behind the anonymity of screen names and avatars, but I have the best computer hackers in the world working for me in Hell.  I know the true identity of each and every offender.”

I gulped because I felt that was what some of my readers should be doing at that revelation.  I drank some more Snapple because my throat was suddenly very dry.

“I know what words hurt, but snarky comments should be expected when you put even a snapshot of your life online for all the world to view,” I decided to try a more philosophical approach to the issue.

The Devil, short story, superheroes, The Flash, Supergirl, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern Philosopher“They slander my name, they threaten me, they act is if I don’t have feelings,” The Prince of Darkness mumbled.  “And yet, they adore The Flash and Supergirl.  They write such darling little comments about those two, and they aren’t even real.  They are kissing up to fictional characters who cannot accept or appreciate the praise, but they get all hard and Biblical on a being who does exist and can literally make their lives Hell for all eternity.  It infuriates me to no end!”

“Maybe they say those horrible things because they are afraid of you, and being all bad ass  with words typed from a safe distance makes them feel a little less frightened,” I suggested as I handed him a Snapple from the cooler.

“I can do everything The Flash and Supergirl can do, you know,” Satan boasted bitterly as he opened his iced tea.  “And we both know I’m better looking than both of them.”

He was wrong on that one.  Supergirl is way hotter, but there was no way in the world I was going to disagree with The Devil when he was in this kind of mood.

The Devil, short story, superheroes, The Flash, Supergirl, Sundays With Satan Short Story Series, humor, Modern Philosopher“You need to get your own TV show to even the playing field,” I informed him with a smile.  “TV is how you win hearts and minds.  The Flash and Supergirl were B List Superheroes until the CW plucked them out of obscurity and put them in front of millions of viewers every night.”

Lucifer smiled brightly.  “I love this idea.  It’s time for me to be a star.  Maybe I can even do a crossover episode with The Flash and Supergirl, and I will be as beloved as a superhero!”

Of course, the true superhero was me because I had, once again, saved the day…

Posted in Humor, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Can The Flash Be My Wingman?

The Flash, Barry Allen, Supergirl, dating, wingman, superheroes, humor, Modern PhilosopherDo you think The Flash is available to be my wingman, Modern Philosophers?

I know he has his hands full keeping Central City safe from the big bads, but a superhero is supposed to help anyone in need, right?

Well, I need a date, and if I had The Flash as a wingman, I’d be doing a lot better with the ladies.

There’s actually a little logic and a real world situation involved in formulating that theory, so please bear with me while I explain.

I was out for a walk yesterday, not far from The House on the Hill, minding my own business and trying to collect another 20,000 steps.

I noticed the attractive young lady on the other side of the street (because my superpower is always noticing any attractive young lady in the vicinity), but didn’t think much of it since she had her earbuds in and appeared to be lost in her own little world.

I crossed the street, since it really was the direction in which I was headed, and as I approached, something interesting happened.  The young lady pulled out her earbuds, smiled at me, and said, “I really like your shirt”.

I happened to be wearing my tee shirt with the Flash logo across the front.  So either she thought I was Barry Allen out for a stroll, or she was a fan of The Fastest Man on Earth.

The Flash, Barry Allen, Supergirl, dating, wingman, superheroes, humor, Modern PhilosopherI thanked her and explained that since I’d gone on a run earlier, I had earned the right to wear the shirt.

We made small talk for a moment, and then went our separate ways.  When I mentioned this encounter on Facebook later in the day, a friend commented that she hoped I had used that opening to my advantage.

But I hadn’t.  Truth be told, I didn’t know how to turn that chance encounter with an attractive, yet total stranger into anything more than that.

Should I have invited her back to The House on the Hill to look at the rest of my tee shirts?

Maybe I should have challenged her to a race to prove I was worthy of the shirt?

Now if this had been someone I’d known, sure, I could’ve figured out a way to turn her breaking the ice into something more, but I didn’t see that as an option here.

However, if I’d had The Flash with me as my wingman, things would have been totally different.  First off, what woman would not be impressed that some guy walking the streets in Maine was pals with a superhero?

Plus, The Flash/Barry Allen is a charming, good looking dude.  If he’d vouch for me, I’m sure that would have carried a lot of weight with this woman.  Hell, I know he would’ve been smooth enough to introduce himself and me, which would’ve gotten her to tell us her name.  Right there, I’d be a lot further along with things that I’d been on my own.

The Flash might have explained that he only gives that special tee shirt to close friends, and that any close friend of his was sure to be a real catch.

Only he would have said it in a more much charming and intriguing manner.

And let’s look at the much bigger picture here, Modern Philosophers.

Why am I limiting myself to a stranger in the neighborhood?  Having The Flash as a wingman would open the door to the possibility of my dating a superhero.

The Flash, Barry Allen, Supergirl, dating, wingman, superheroes, humor, Modern PhilosopherI have absolutely zero chance of getting a date with Supergirl, my superhero crush, but Barry is buds with her.

They’ve saved the world together, and had a very special musical crossover.  Your karaoke buddy is always going to take your recommendation when it comes to dating.

Supergirl’s boyfriend had to leave Earth at the end of last season after his long lost mother tried to enslave the human race.  So we know she is single, on the rebound, and probably hoping someone she trusts would just set her up with a nice, normal guy, whose family is not going to destroy the planet.

That description is so totally me, is it not, Modern Philosophers?

The Flash could have a chat with Supergirl, get her to agree to meet me for a blind date, speed to Maine to get me, and we could be back in National City in mere minutes, before she has time to change her mind.

I don’t see how a dating situation could be any more perfect than that.  Sure, The Flash would have to do all the legwork to make it happen…like a good wingman does.

The Flash, Barry Allen, Supergirl, dating, wingman, superheroes, humor, Modern PhilosopherThen it would be on me to charm Supergirl and keep her from wanting to use her superpowers to destroy me.  I would make it my mission to become her Kryptonite, but in a sweet, romantic way.

I really have a good feeling about this idea.  When it comes to dating, my thoughts are usually all over the place.

But I am super focused on this one.  All I need to do is convince The Flash to be my wingman, and before you know it, I’ll be blogging about my whirlwind romance with Supergirl and planning the wedding of the century.

I am so lucky that woman stopped me on the street yesterday to comment on my shirt.  If she hadn’t, I’d still be totally clueless and desperately single, instead of about to marry the best looking superhero in the universe!

Posted in Dating, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

A Beautiful Enigma

relationships, dating, air of mystery, poetry, humor, Modern PhilosopherI cannot read you

Like one of

The numerous books

I devour

On a regular basis.

If anything,

You were written

In an entirely different language

By a truly gifted

Mystery author,

Who refuses to reveal

Who done it.

You always look

So stern and serious,

So consumed

With your

Immediate surroundings,

To a point

Where the casual observer

Might doubt

You even realize

The rest of the world

Exists.

Rarely is

A smile shared,

Or a moment wasted

On anything

Outside of

The neverending

To Do list

In your mind.

And yet,

I look at you,

Completely intrigued,

Wanting

And needing

To know more.

Because I have been

On the receiving end

Of the secret smile

You keep

Locked away,

And heard the laugh

So enchanting,

That I have no choice,

But to do

Everything in my power

To make you

Share it again.

I have seen

The kingdom

Hidden deep behind

Your preilously

High walls,

And long

To be invited

To spend time there

With you,

The beautiful enigma,

Who makes my heart

Realize that patience

Is a virtue

Worth conquering…

Posted in Dating, Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Giving Myself Permission To Chill

health, fitness, running, rest day, humor, Modern PhilosopherConsistency has been a big key in achieving my fitness goals, Modern Philosophers.

If you want to be successful at anything, you need to be able to produce at a certain level on a regular basis.

For the past three and a half weeks, I’ve set a goal of collecting 20,000 steps a day.  That’s twice more than what my Fitbit demands, and three times more than the daily goal set by my company’s Wellness Program.

But I’m not doing this for my company or for the tracker on my wrist.  I’m burning all these calories for me.

So I will set the goals, regardless of how ridiculous they might be.

I have a basic plan to get to that lofty number everyday: Wake up early to go for a long run (or a walk on the two days a week I don’t run) and try to collect 7,000 steps before leaving for work.

Once at work, I collect another 7,000 steps before clocking out for the day.  I hit this mark by walking on both my lunch and afternoon break.  I also get up from my desk and put in steps whenever I’m stuck on hold, which ends up being quite often over the course of the day.  Rather than letting my outgoing mail pile up for one drop off at the end of the day, I walk each letter to the mail bin after I generate it.

When I get home, I always go for a long walk after dinner.  The remaining steps accumulate during the short walks I take when I need a break from writing, or simply from puttering around the house.

So, yes, Modern Philosophers, 20,000 steps a day is attainable if you have a plan and the desire to execute that plan consistently.

On yesterday morning’s run, I made the executive decision that it was time for a rest day.  After 24 straight 20K days, my muscles were aching and my body needed a break.

I also think that concession was the only way to get my body to agree to finish a 3.5 mile run yesterday.

health, fitness, running, rest day, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe plan was to sleep in, not do anything athletic before work, and simply chill out today and allow myself to relax.

I can’t even describe how good it felt to sleep until 7:00.  I’m so used to getting up at 5:30 during the work week that the extra hour and a half made me feel like I had slept the day away.

No sit ups, no weights, just breakfast before heading out the door to work.  It was weird, but incredibly refreshing.

It’s routine to show up at work with at least 7,000 steps on my wrist, so it was wildly alien to look at my Fitbit and see the number at only 1,000.

My first panicked reaction was that the device was broken, but then I quickly remembered my self-imposed ban on relaxation.

I felt like a slacker, which made sense, but I quickly go over that sensation.

My muscles needed to know that I still cared about them.

My sweat glands needed a day to generate more product for my next long run.

My feet needed a chance to just be giant, size fifteen battleships, rather than constantly bearing the brunt of my march towards fitness.

To really sell myself on the idea that this was The Day Of The Big Chill, I made a very daring purchase while grocery shopping tonight.

health, fitness, running, rest day, humor, Modern PhilosopherI’ve been craving ice cream so much.  Especially that of the chocolate peanut butter variety.  I’d seen my friend post a photo of this brand on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and I hunted it down in the freezer section tonight.

Ice cream that’s only 320 calories for the entire pint, instead of 320 calories for a spoonful?

Sign me up immediately please!

I didn’t know what to expect, Modern Philosophers, but I had some earlier as I lazily sat on the couch and watched the Yankees game.  Guess what?

It was delicious!

I assumed it would taste like flavored ice, but it was just like ice cream.  I’m so happy because now I can indulge and reward myself every once in a while without having to worry that my weight will balloon up as a result.

So I took it easy today.

Even though part of me felt guilty and lazy and wanted desperately to lace up my sneakers and go for a run.

But I fought the urge, ignored the quilt, and put my feet up on the porch railing.

I’d be watching the Yankees right now if the game wasn’t in a rain delay.  Instead, I’m listening to Nickelback, much against my will, because the band is currently in concert on the other side of the river.

UGH!

health, fitness, running, rest day, humor, Modern PhilosopherBut the bottom line is that I gave myself permission to chill out, and I understand now that this doesn’t make me lazy, or mean that I’ve taken a step back in my fitness plan.

My body needs a break.

Consistent breaks are just as important as kicking major ass on a daily basis.

Tomorrow, my well rested body will be back out on the road doing its usual Saturday morning run.  I’m sure I’ll put up great numbers next week because I took a day off today to let my mind and body relax.

I’m sure some of you are curious to know how many steps I’ve collected on my rest day.  I’m a little embarrassed to share the number, but I know you won’t judge because this was a well deserved day off.

As of this writing, my Fitbit says I have collected…

17,525 steps.  Do I know how to relax or what?

Posted in Fitness, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment