Why Does Your Best Friend Hate Me?

self-improvement, self-confidence, wellness, friendship, being a better me, humor, philosophy, Modern PhilosopherIt’s time for a new feature on the blog, Modern Philosophers.  The reason behind this is twofold:

First, I’d like to improve reader participation.  One of my favorite things about having this blog is interacting with you.  There was a time when the comment section on posts overflowed with Deep Thoughts from you.  Lately, however, things have been a little quiet and I seriously miss our exchanges.

So, I’m encouraging everyone who reads this post to actually use the comment section to answer the question posed in the title of this post.  I’d also love for you to share the post and get your friends to comment on it, too.

Let’s make the comments on this blog vibrant and exciting again.

Secondly, I’m looking to do a little self-improvement.  Let’s face it, Modern Philosophers, I’ve been a sorry sack of $%^& since Melissa decided to stay in Ireland.  Some of the posts I’ve written are so pathetic that I want to punch myself in the face.

But then I don’t really want to damage this handsome mug, you know?

After my attempt to extend an olive branch to The Sweet Irish Girl was met so harshly on St. Patrick’s Day, I realized that something must be horribly wrong if someone who once loved me enough to want to marry me cannot even be decent to me.

My first Deep Thought, my default setting if you will, was that it had to be me.  There’s something wrong with me that turns love into hate, and I want to figure out what it is so that I can reverse engineer it.

self-improvement, self-confidence, wellness, friendship, being a better me, humor, philosophy, Modern PhilosopherAs you know, I keep a team of super brainy, lab coat wearing scientists in my basement to help me with such matters, but they can’t do their brainiac reverse engineering magic until I give them data for their algorithms and formulas.

This is where you come in, Modern Philosophers.  Some of you actually know me, have met me, and have gone toga shopping with me.  Most of you, however, only know me via this blog and by creeping on my Facebook profile (no judgments here!).

What I’d like you to do now is take what you know about me, mix in a little philosophy, a little hypothetical thinking, and then put all the blame on your best friend.

What is it about me that would make your best friend hate me?

I’ll take all data because the nerds need as much information as possible to come up with the proper scientific formula for friendship.  Once they’ve got that done, I’ll collect more data to figure out the algorithm for what makes someone a perfect romantic match.

So any input is welcome.  I’ll take anything from the silly like “You’re too tall” or “You like the Yankees” to the more hurtful, but ultimately helpful, “You’re a loser know it all, who thinks he’s God’s gift to writing“.

self-improvement, self-confidence, wellness, friendship, being a better me, humor, philosophy, Modern PhilosopherIt’s all part of my master plan to Make Austin Great Again!  So don’t be afraid to list the reasons why your best friend would hate me.  You’re doing this all in the name of science and helping a lonely introvert find happiness and friendship.

The interns are standing by to collect the data, and the scientists have all put on freshly starched lab coats and are ready to do that nerdy thing they do.

Thank you in advance for your contribution to this important, groundbreaking study.  I look forward to being less pathetic and more interesting!

After you submit your answers and share this post with your friends, don’t forget to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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Welcome, Spring!

First Day of Spring, Winter in Maine, 182 Days of Terror, humor, weather, Modern PhilosopherDay 171 —  According to the calendar, today is the first day of Spring!  Of course, this is Maine, so we know better, Modern Philosophers.

I bundle up in my Winter jacket, walk past humongous piles of snow on the way to the garage, and then turn on the heat once I get into the car.

The calendar can say whatever it wants, but the 182 Days of Terror do not end until we finally flip the page to April.  Eleven more days left in March.  So close.  I can almost feel the sun shining on my pale face…

Happy First Day of Spring, Modern Philosophers!

I don’t officially accept that Spring is here until April 1, but that doesn’t mean that I should not properly welcome the season’s return!

I has been a rough Winter and I will be happy to see Snow Miser go, but it was also a season of growth for me.

I took serious strides in overcoming my fear of driving, and I am just thrilled about that.  Sure, I was still a little tense any time I had to drive in a storm, but the paralyzing panic that used to keep me up for days as I anticipated the snow’s arrival was gone.

The pipes in the kitchen only froze once this year, and that was because I forgot to keep the water running on a particularly frigid night.  I had to break out the roof rake just once because I refused to worry about leaks and trusted that the roof would hold up and keep me dry regardless of how much snow was piled on it.  I never even thought about missing a day of work because I didn’t want to go out into a blizzard.

First Day of Spring, Winter in Maine, 182 Days of Terror, humor, weather, Modern PhilosopherSo welcome, Spring!  Even though this wasn’t a Winter that will haunt my nightmares for months to come, it’s still nice to know that warmer, sunnier days are ahead.

I took the rocks out of my trunk tonight and even dared to be outside without a jacket.

That’s right, Modern Philosophers, I thumbed up my nose at Snow Miser, ignored the snow behind me, and frolicked in the 46 degree heat in just my shirt sleeves.

Of course, frigid temperatures are scheduled to return later this week, but I had my fun.

In case you were wondering what the first day of Spring looks like in Maine, I took a few photos tonight when I returned to The House on the Hill.

Doesn’t it just look like Spring has sprung?

First Day of Spring, Winter in Maine, 182 Days of Terror, humor, weather, Modern PhilosopherFirst Day of Spring, Winter in Maine, 182 Days of Terror, humor, weather, Modern PhilosopherFirst Day of Spring, Winter in Maine, 182 Days of Terror, humor, weather, Modern PhilosopherLike I said, Modern Philosophers, this is Maine and our calendars don’t exactly sync up with the rest of the country’s.

There’s still plenty of snow on the ground, and as you can see, the city hasn’t even bothered to clear the sidewalk on my side of the street yet.

Hopefully, it will all melt soon.

Enjoy Spring!  I plan to do the same in eleven days…

Don’t forget to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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Dr Lucifer McCaringpants

short story, fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, baseball, humor, first day of spring, Modern PhilosopherThe sound of a baseball smacking against the leather of a glove is unmistakable and brings a huge smile to my face.

The Devil, however, is fairly indifferent to it.

“Why exactly are we outside having a catch when it’s barely above freezing and there’s still snow on the ground?” he whined as he hurled the ball in my direction.

“Because tomorrow is the first day of Spring and there’s still snow on the ground,” I replied as I snatched the ball out of the air.  “Spring doesn’t really come to Maine, though, until the baseball season starts, so I wanted to toss around the ball to help hasten its arrival.”

“I don’t feel as if it’s helping,” Lucifer shot back.  “And I’m not exactly dressed for it.”

He wore his usual impeccably tailored suit, but had removed the jacket out of fear of tearing a sleeve with his unusual throwing motion.

“You’re wearing pinstripes,” I pointed out as I tossed the ball back to him.  “You look like you’re one of the Yankees.”

“Are you sure this doesn’t have anything to due with the fact that I found you asleep on the couch when I arrived at noon?” The Prince of Darkness pressed as the ball smacked off the end of his glove, and he scampered after it in thousand dollar Italian loafers.

I shrugged and motioned with my glove that we should head over to the porch for a break and some Snapple.

short story, fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, baseball, humor, first day of spring, Modern Philosopher“Maybe,” I confessed as I led the way to the porch.  “The dark clouds found me again,  and it got so dark that it tricked my brain into thinking it was night so I curled up on the couch to go to sleep.”

A look of concern crossed Satan’s handsome face as we reached the porch chairs.

“What caused the dark clouds to return?” he asked as he reached into the cooler to remove two bottles of Snapple, one of which he handed to me.

“I had a bit of an incident on St. Patrick’s Day,” I finally revealed and tossed my glove down onto the porch in anger.  “I sent Melissa an email.  Nothing serious.  Just asking how she was and updating her on my life.  It’s been eight months, so I figured whatever hard feelings she had would have passed.  It’s impossible to get through St. Patrick’s Day without thinking about your ex who lives in Ireland, you know.”

The Devil nodded in understanding.  “I figured you might be wrestling with that demon this week, but I didn’t want to ask about it.”

I took a very long sip of my Snapple.

“It was a long, stressful week, and all the talk of St. Patrick’s Day caused her to be on my mind,” I explained glumly.  “I knew I shouldn’t have written to her, but I missed her, and you know I have serious abandonment issues.”

“I take it her reply was not what you had hoped?” Lucifer asked delicately.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snapped a little too harshly.  “She said something that really hurt me and it’s been gnawing at me all weekend.”

short story, fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, baseball, humor, first day of spring, Modern PhilosopherThe Prince of Darkness grabbed the baseball from his glove.  “Hence the sudden desire to throw around the baseball?”

“Actually, the last time I had a catch was when Melissa visited and I was trying to teach her to play baseball.”

“I didn’t want the upcoming season to be ruined because baseball reminded me of her,” I told him after pausing for another sip of Snapple.  “The Yankees mean too much to me, so I needed you to help me move past this.”

“As much as you seem a little lost without a love in your life, you are far worse off without your beloved Yankees,” Satan teased me as a devilish grin grew on his face.

“The Yankees have never abandoned me,” I reminded him.  “Even in the dark years of the late 80s and early 90s, they were still there for me.  I so desperately wanted to be good at baseball and follow in the path of my idols, but I was just so bad at it.”

“Some people aren’t athletically gifted,” The Devil put it politely.

I laughed very hard as I thought back to my days on the diamond, when I was much more likely to be hit by a pitch than to hit a pitch when I was at the plate.

short story, fiction, The Devil, Sundays with Satan Short Story Series, baseball, humor, first day of spring, Modern Philosopher“I was a great third baseman, but couldn’t hit to save my life,” I said with a heavy sigh.  “You can work on fielding alone by throwing a ball off the garage, but you need someone to pitch to you and help with your batting stance.  I had no friends and my Dad was too old to get out there with me, so I hit like a kid with no friends and a Dad who was too old to teach him how to be a better hitter.”

Lucifer pouted and then reached out to pat me on the shoulder.  “Do you want me to pitch to you now?  It’s never too late to work on your swing.”

I smiled and downed what was left of my Snapple.  “What’s gotten into you?  Why are you all Dr. Lucifer McCaringpants all of a sudden?”

The Prince of Darkness shrugged.  “Spring is coming.  There’s just something in the air.”

“Baseball weather,” I told him and broke into a huge, much needed smile.

Don’t forget to follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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Are You Dating A Superhero?

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherSeveral years ago, Modern Philosophers, I was certain that my girlfriend was a Superhero.

She was absolutely perfect, showed up whenever I needed her as if she just sensed I was in trouble, and I always felt safe and happy when we were together.  Let’s not forget that it takes a special kind of person to put up with me, and most likely, someone superhuman to love me.

I always suspected that she had a secret identity, but I could never work up the courage to ask.  Things were going so well between us that I didn’t want to jeopardize our relationship by asking too many questions.

She has since moved on, having received an incredible job offer in either Gotham City or Metropolis (I’ve blocked out exactly where she went because it hurts too much just to think about it) and to this day, I regret having never asked her if she was a Superhero.

I don’t want any of you to run into this same problem, so here are some tips to help you figure out if you’re dating a Superhero…

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherDoes she wear glasses? For some reason, Superheroes think that putting on a pair of eyeglasses is the ultimate disguise.  Seriously, guys?  I wear glasses, and even without them on, I can see that I look exactly the same when they are off.

If I see a woman in glasses now, I grow incredibly suspicious.  I mean, why isn’t she wearing contacts like everyone else?  Does she have that weird phobia like I do about the lens slowly sliding up her eyeball and into her brain?  Or is she a Superhero trying to throw us off her scent?  My Spidey sense tells me it’s the latter.

I’ve always been drawn to a woman in glasses.  At first, I thought it was some sort of a nerdy thing, but now I’m beginning to think that I’m attracted to Superheroes.

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherWhat’s with all the layers?  Does your girlfriend, whose amazing figure is forever burned into your brain, look chunkier when she’s dressed?  Why would she purposely wear outfits that are unflattering and take away from her slim, athletic physique?

Could it be that she’s wearing a second, secret outfit under the one she wants all the world to see?  In other words, does she have her Superhero attire on under her clothes, forcing her to wear baggier clothing to hide what she’s got going on underneath?

Remember, capes might look cool, but they take up a lot of space and are difficult keep from detection unless you want to pass yourself off as a hunchback.

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherDoes she have a car?  It’s very suspicious if someone doesn’t have a car.  Sure, I got by without one when I lived in New York, but you could get anywhere there via public transportation, and it cost a small fortune to park a car in the city.

When you live somewhere other than the big city, though, it’s close to impossible to get around without a vehicle.  Everything is so spread out, there’s no subway, the bus doesn’t run that often, and it’s not like you can just whistle and hail a cab.

So if your significant other doesn’t have a car, but always seems to get where she needs to be on time and without a problem, it probably means she can fly, possesses super speed, or has an invisible jet.

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherDo you suspect she’s seeing someone else because she often disappears without warning and then she won’t explain where she’s been?  There’s a chance she is cheating on you, so you should probably explore that more realistic option before you jump to the conclusion that she’s a Superhero.

However, if you’re certain she’s faithful and you can’t use technology to pinpoint where her phone was during these periods of “lost time”, then it could very well mean she was off fighting crime as her alter ego.

Do a little research.  Does her vanishing act coincide with meteors almost destroying your city, super villains being arrested, and innocent bystanders being rescued from a certain death?  If that’s the case, your sweetie was off doing the Superhero thing.

The next thing you need to ask, though, is why can’t she come clean and tell you what she was doing?  Does she not trust you to keep her secret?  Or worse, does she suspect you are in cahoots with the bad guys and only dating her to keep tabs on her?

Man, you guys have some serious issues to work out.  Might I suggest couples therapy?

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherCan she open that jar of pickles?  You know the jar of which I speak.  It’s been sitting on that shelf in the door of your fridge for ages because you love those pickles, but you can’t for the life of you get the damn lid off to enjoy them.

Then your sweetheart decides to make you lunch because she’s super sweet and the best girlfriend over, and serves up your favorite sandwich with a side of pickles.

When you ask her where she got the pickles, she smiles, gives you a peck on the cheek, and reminds you that you’ve had that jar of pickles in the fridge forever.

Of course, you’ve never admitted why the pickles are always in there, but the fact that she served them to you with your sandwich makes you aware that she has super strength.

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherDoes she hear everything you say and see right through you?  One trait shared by all of my former girlfriends is selective hearing.  They only seem to hear what they want to hear, and even if you gave them a recording of the conversation in question, they would still swear that the recording was wrong.

Let me revise my statement.  All but one of my girlfriends shared that selective hearing trait.  The one I thought was a Superhero heard every single thing I said, which was great most of the time, but also had its drawbacks.  I have a tendency to mumble under my breath when I’m upset, and this girlfriend heard those comments clear as day as if I had blared them over the public address system.

The presence of super hearing is a sure sign that you are dating a Superhero.  And if she sees right through you, she’s got x-ray vision.  If both things are going on, you had better remain on your toes because you are not getting away with anything!

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherDoes your Kryptonite nightlight freak her out and give her insomnia?  You might sleep like a baby in the warm green glow of your cool nightlight, but if it keeps your overnight guest up all night and puts her in distress, it’s most likely because she has an adverse reaction to Kryptonite.

Of course, it could also be your insanely loud snoring and the fact that you hog the covers, but you might want to try sleeping without the nightlight and see what happens.

She might be so grateful for a good night’s sleep that she rewards you and your man of steel in a super way you’ll never forget.

dating tips, relationship advice, life hacks, Superheroes, Supergirl, humor, Modern PhilosopherHave you ever seen your date and a Superhero in the same room together?  Statistically speaking, most people have never been seen in the same room with a Superhero, so this one won’t hold up too well in relationship court.

However, if your beloved were to be spotted  standing alongside the Superhero you suspect her to be, at least you would finally have definitive proof that you are not dating a Superhero.

Let me ask you something, though: Would you be excited or disappointed to find out that she wasn’t a Superhero?

I hope these tips come in handy.  Remember, if she loves you and makes you happy, that makes her a Superhero in my book…

Before you rush off faster than a speeding bullet to leap tall buildings in a single bound on your way to your date, it would be super cool if you followed me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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Can You Party Like A Leprechaun?

St. Patrick's Day, Leprechauns, partying, humor, Friday Night Think Tank, Modern PhilosopherHappy St. Patrick’s Day, Modern Philosophers!

As you know, I am very proud of my Irish heritage, and once lost my heart to a Sweet Irish Girl from the Emerald Isle.  As a result, I enjoy celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, but I no longer have the mischievous spirit of a Leprechaun.

I thought about hanging out at an Irish Pub in Downtown Bangor to really soak in the essence of the holiday, but I realized that doing that wasn’t at all appealing.

I’d rather be here hosting The Friday Night McThink Tank, where I truly belong.

This week’s topic: Do you still go all out to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, or do you find yourself treating this like your average Friday?

Having St. Patrick’s Day fall on a Friday seems like both a blessing and a curse.  Revelers can stay out ’til the wee hours without having to worry about getting up for work in the morning.  Then again, tomorrow they will still have to deal with the consequences of getting their Irish up until the wee hours of the morning.

I had to work, of course, and we usually celebrate St. Patrick’s Day at the office with a baked potato bar and afternoon carb coma nap time.  However, due to logistical nightmares, we had to endure a potato famine this year.

I tried to offset that in the wildest way I could possibly think of at 7AM on the Friday of a crazy work week: by bringing a giant, frosting covered St. Patrick’s Day chocolate chip cookie to the office for my coworkers to enjoy.

St. Patrick's Day, Leprechauns, partying, humor, Friday Night Think Tank, Modern PhilosopherThat treat went over quite well, and since food had all the Irish eyes in the office smiling, we decided to stick to that theme and order out Chinese food for lunch.

I made it festive by pointing out that the place we ordered from was called Rainbow, and our Chinese food was the treasure the Leprechauns left at the end of the rainbow.

Not every idea out of my head is solid gold, but since this one was smothered in MSG, it was a hit.

St. Patrick’s Day is really all about celebrating your Irish heritage and having fun with friends.  Well, most of us wore green, we talked about Ireland, Leprechauns, parades, pots o’ gold, and we definitely had as much fun as you can have while still working.

Sure, it wasn’t the wild celebrations of yore, but when I really think back on it, I never went Full Leprechaun on the holiday.  Even when I had an actual Irish girlfriend, she was in Ireland and I was in Maine, so I didn’t break out my shillelagh and chug green beer until I could float across the Atlantic to be with The Sweet Irish Girl.

My plans for tonight would not make anyone think of a Leprechaun.  I’m going to relax here in The Think Tank, hang out with my wee Irish kitties, and have a little apple pie and ice cream.  Sure, that dessert is as American as it gets, but the Irish helped build America!

St. Patrick's Day, Leprechauns, partying, humor, Friday Night Think Tank, Modern PhilosopherI was temporarily possessed by a Leprechaun while grocery shopping, though, as I bought some corned beef to make me a proper St. Patrick’s Day dinner.  I also bought an eight pack of beer, but that’s for my neighbor to thank him for snowblowing my driveway after the blizzard.

I still bought beer on March 17, though, so that totally counts for something!

I’d like to say I’m not as young and wild as I used to be, but I never was wild.  St. Patrick’s Day has always been about wearing the green and being proud to be Irish.

How did you spend your St. Patrick’s Day, Modern Philosophers?

I’ll leave you with this Modern Philosopher Irish Blessing: May the Deep Thoughts always fill your brain, may you never trip over the hem of your toga, and may you forever keep smiling, no matter how challenging life gets!

St. Patrick himself will drive the snakes out from under your bed if you follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

 

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St Patrick Vows To Drive Snakes Out Of The White House

St Patrick's Day, St Patrick, President Trump, humor, politics, satire, snakes, Modern PhilosopherForever poised to keep both Irish and American eyes smiling on the holiday that bears his name, St. Patrick held a press conference today outside of the NYC cathedral named after him to make a huge announcement, Modern Philosophers.

“It is my intention to drive the snakes out of the White House just as I drove them out of Ireland,” St. Patrick declared.  “Am I speaking of literal snakes or metaphorical ones?  I suppose we shall see, my friends.  In the meantime, may the sun always shine at your back, may the moon watch over you on sleepless nights, and may the next four years not be the longest of your life!”

After that not so traditional Irish Blessing, St. Patrick stuck around to shake hands, pose for selfies, and record outgoing voicemail messages for the adoring faithful.

While he never came right out and said that he was referring to President Trump and the members of his administration, it was understood that the snakes to which he was referring were of the Republican variety.

How could his message be interpreted any other way?

A quick check with the White House historian revealed that no actual snakes had been reported in the building since the Clinton Presidency.

A call to White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer only produced a high pitched shriek and then some indecipherable yelling before the line went dead.

St Patrick's Day, St Patrick, President Trump, humor, politics, satire, snakes, Modern Philosopher“Snakes come in all shapes and sizes,” the Patron Saint of March 17th told this Modern Philosopher at an Irish pub not far from the cathedral.  “Since the Garden of Eden, man has known the snake can appear charming and promise us the world, yet we still allow it to slither close enough to sink its fangs into our flesh and fill us with its poison.”

St. Patrick then gave me a wink, tapped my pint with his, and whispered, “You totally catch what I’m saying here, right?”

He was not clear on the timetable for his quest to rid the White House of snakes, but St. Patrick did state that it would occur sometime after he marched in the parade New York was throwing in his honor tomorrow.

“A little marching in solidarity with the brothers and sister afflicted by the snakes will give me all the inspiration I need to deliver on my promise,” he assured me.  “You have my word that this shall be a St. Patrick’s Day to be remembered.

When asked about St. Patrick’s vow to clean up the White House, President Trump snickered and said that St. Patrick was a great saint who should enjoy his special day and then go back to Ireland to chase Leprechauns where he would feel more at home.

St Patrick's Day, St Patrick, President Trump, humor, politics, satire, snakes, Modern PhilosopherA short while later, the President tweeted: Green beer and shamrocks are great once a year, but don’t overstay your welcome. #ErinGoHome #NoSnakesHere #GreenWithEnvy

In response to Trump’s comments, St. Patrick merely smiled and bought a round for everyone in the pub.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, my friends!

Want to make sure these Irish eyes are smiling on St. Paddy’s Day?  Follow me on my blog and on Pinterest!

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Old Friends And New Laughs On The Nite Show

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherToday was a special matinee taping of The Nite Show, Modern Philosophers.

We taped the show earlier than usual because it was a make up date made necessary by a previous blizzard.  And guess what happened yesterday?

Winter Storm Stella pummeled Maine with over a foot of snow.  Since we didn’t want another taping canceled, The Nite Show Team shoveled a path from Danny’s home to The Gracie Theatre so that the show could go on.

There is no truth to the rumor that Saturday Night Live, The Nite Show’s main competition for ratings dominance, had anything to do with the recent weather issues, but can you really trust New Yorkers?

The running theme for this taping was bringing back old friends and frequent guests to help celebrate the 2oth anniversary of the show’s first episode.

Today’s guests were Mike Dow, Rick Tyler, Freddie Stone, and Maine Secretary of State Matthew Dunlap.  These men have all appeared multiple times on The Nite Show in its various incarnations.

Danny asked me to be Cue Card Guy today, so I wasn’t able to take as many photos as usual, but the ones I did take were mostly from new new perspective onstage.

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherSpeaking of old friends, my being on Cue Card duty meant that Katie was the Floor Manager.  This is the third time we’ve teamed up in this capacity, and we make a dynamic duo.

Basically, Katie takes me by the arm and leads me over to the proper camera and then nudges me if I ever walk into a shot or maybe, possibly hold the cue cards in front of the lens (oops!).

While I do enjoy being up on stage and part of the action, I’ll admit that I get a little nervous that I’m going to drop the cards, not turn them in time, or wander off the edge of the stage.

Having Katie there makes me much more confident.

As always, she is shy around the camera, so I had to snap this shot when she was busy talking to the control room.  Between shows, I asked Katie if she would be interested in working with me if one of my projects movesforward with the network.

I was very excited when she told me she would be.

As I mentioned earlier, Mike Dow was one of the guests.  Mike is a deejay with a morning show on one of the local radio stations.  He is also a very nice guy, a good friend of Danny’s and the person pretty much responsible for my getting my gig on The Nite Show.

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherWe got to catch up between shows and he was wearing an awesome Blues Brothers tie.  I wish I had taken a photo, but I was so busy I didn’t think of it.

A few years ago, Mike had me on his radio show to plug The Retirement Party.  The movie had just finished filming, and a mutual friend arranged for me to go on the show to talk about the flick in anticipation of its release.

Mike also wrote a wonderful article about me and the movie for The Maine Edge, and then told his friend Danny about the local screenwriter who had sold a screenplay about his life that had been made into a feature film.

That led to Danny’s inviting me to be a guest on The Nite Show, which is how I got to know Danny and was able to eventually become a member of the writing team.

I owe Mike big time and hopefully, I can pay him back someday by writing a cameo for him into one of my screenplays.

Even though the crowd was smaller than usual because of the afternoon taping, they were still very lively and enthusiastic.

Except, of course, for that time Danny told one of my jokes and it completely bombed.  No reaction at all.

My theory is that they didn’t hear the joke correctly because it was goofy and worth at least a giggle or a moan.  Dead silence tells me everyone momentarily went deaf.

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherPerhaps more sabotage from the late night competition?

While that one did not go over well, I was thrilled when Danny used two of my more risque jokes.

I do enjoy pushing the envelope at times, and even if I don’t think Danny will use a joke on air, I’ll still submit it just to show him my take on a certain subject.

One of the jokes was in the third show, and I was glancing at the cue cards just before cameras rolled to make sure I knew when the jokes ended so I could flip the card at the right time.

Well, I read this particular joke and said, “Oh my God!” loud enough for Katie to hear.  She was standing right behind me, of course, and she thought something had gone wrong.

I told her I couldn’t believe Danny had chosen this particular joke, and then held out the cue card for her to read it.  She chuckled and made a funny comment.

While I don’t want to tell the jokes until they air, I can say one was about diseases college kids might pick up on Spring Break, and the other was about the naughty bits of a certain Russian leader.

I was so pumped that Danny had taken a chance on the strange sense of humor of a weird kid from Brooklyn that I emailed him as soon as I got home to thank him.

Just one of the many reasons I love being a member of The Nite Show Team!

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherThis is a shot from the stage after the taping had ended.  As you can see, Danny likes to stick around to chat with any audience members who wait around to ask him a question.

I also managed to get Katie and her funky boots in another photo.

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherI took this photo to give you an idea of Danny’s perspective during a taping.  As you can see, he has a direct line of sight to the band so he can launch projectiles at them whenever he wishes.

The Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherThe Nite Show, Danny Cashman, late night TV, life in Maine, writing for TV, humor, Modern PhilosopherAfter dealing with yet another blizzard, and shoveling snow for hours, it was such a treat to escape into the world of The Nite Show for a few hours.

Once again, I’ll advise you to get a gig writing for a late night TV show.  It is well worth all the time and effort.  Especially when you get to hear the audience roar with laughter at your joke about Putin’s nads.

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  You can also check out clips on the show’s YouTube channel, like The Nite Show on Facebook, and follow it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

Don’t forget, you can also follow me on my blog and on Pinterest.  Heck, the link to follow me on Twitter is even over in the right margin of this post!

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