I had the privilege of spending time with Ana, the beautiful, witty, sarcastic, sassy, bookworm of a Vampire on her special day.
I offered to take her anywhere she wanted as Maine is packed with exciting places to visit this close to Halloween. To my great surprise, she asked to go to a popular restaurant chain for a big, greasy bacon cheeseburger.
Clearly, female Vampires are just as mind boggling to men as female humans are…
“I’m sure this is something you can relate to, Austin, as a city boy hiding out in Maine,” Ana explained after she took a giant sip of her Bloody Mary. “Being a Vampire in Maine during the Halloween Season leads to a case of Otherworldly Being overload. Sometimes, I just need to get away from it all, like you did when you fled the big city.”
And so, the gorgeous Birthday Girl and I hid out in a booth at the Ruby Tuesday’s not far from The House on the Hill. While the place was filled with Halloween revelers, none of them had any idea how close they were to an actual Vampire.
“You’re dying to ask me how old I am,” Ana told me as we studied our menus. “Care to make a guess? I promise not to drain you if your guess is way off.”
One didn’t look at the woman sitting across from me and think “She could end me with one snap of her jaw”. Instead, they most likely wondered what they would have to do to switch places with me.
“The Nuns raised me to never ask a woman her age,” I answered with a smile as I sipped my Snapple.
“Nuns are far more frightening than Vampires,” she informed me as a charming smile spread across her face. “They’re immortal, too. Bet you didn’t know that. The main differences are that they age, not well at all if you ask me, and they suck the life and confidence out of you, instead of your blood.”
I had a good laugh at that one. My fear of Nuns is well known, while my comfort level with Vampires was at an all time high.
Ana ordered her bacon cheeseburger. “Very rare,” she pressed upon our waitress three times before the poor college kid left the table. “If it’s cooked too much I will send it back. I’ve got all the time in the world, so I’m happy to sit here until the chef gets it right.”
My lunch date was extremely amused with herself after the poor server scurried off to place our orders. “Don’t give me that look, Toga Boy,” she warned. “It’s my birthday, so I can do anything I want. I might not have to hunt humans for food anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss scaring the crap out of them every once in a while.”
Ana flashed her fangs. I felt my heart jump in my chest and attempt to find someplace to hide behind the other organs.
“So how old do you tell people that you are?” I asked in hopes of snapping her out of her little Vlad the Impaler mood.
“I go with 29,” Ana replied as she twirled her long hair. “I was 28 when I was turned, so since I never got to make it to 29 as a human, I celebrate that birthday every year. Truth be told, I don’t feel a day over 200.”
I have to admit, Modern Philosophers, I’ve never had a thing for older women. If Ana was over 200 as she had just implied, then she was certainly the oldest crush I’ve ever had. Of course, I try not to think of her that way, but it’s kind of hard when she is pretty much everything I’m looking for in a woman…plus immortal.
Our burgers arrived just as we were getting deep into a conversation about our mutual love of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Apparently, the waitress was too frightened to deliver our food, so it was brought to the table by the manager.
A huge smile crossed Ana’s gorgeous face as she examined her burger. “I bet you this thing was on the grill for about thirty seconds,” she giggled as she covered it in ketchup. “You see? It pays to figuratively bare your fangs every once in a while.”
We stayed at Ruby Tuesday’s for five hours, but I was having so much fun hanging out with Ana that the time flew faster than a Vampire bat chasing a group of giddy, long necked school girls across a field.
You are an awesome friend, and I am having so much fun getting to know you…despite the fact that you still don’t seem to believe my story about meeting Dr. Dre!